Whispers of What we Were
by Stephinator Lynn
Summary: Tara leaves Jax to go to Chicago and takes their kids with her. Now, four years later, she's back in Charming.
1. Prologue

A/N: These characters are not mine, they belong to the brilliant Kurt Sutter.

Whispers of What we Were

Prologue

"That's it Jax. I am taking our kids and I am leaving."

"Tara baby, you can't do this."

"Are you kidding me? My four-year-old son caught a stray bullet tonight because of you and that stupid club."

"Tara, I'm sorry. We're going to get the bastards that did this."

"And what about the next one huh? I am not putting Emily and Abel through this." Tara ran her hands through her hair, "we're going to Chicago."

"What?"

"I got into the residency program there. It's one of the best in the country for Neonatology."

"I thought you were going to stay here? Do you residency at St. Thomas?" Jax held his hands out to his wife, "don't leave me Tara." He pleaded.

"I'm getting the kids out of here Jax." She never took his hands, she got up from the waiting room chairs, "they should be almost done taking the bullet out of my sons leg now. I am going to go and wait for him in recovery. As soon as he's ready to travel, we're leaving."

"I love you Tara. And I love Emily and Abel."

"If you loved me and our kids, you'd come with me. You'd realize that this town and this club is suffocating all of us." Jax didn't say anything as she stood in the doorway, "that's what I thought. Fucking SAMCRO." She muttered to herself.

END PROLOGUE


	2. Chapter 1

Whispers of What we Were

Chapter 1

Dr. Tara Knowles hands were shaking, which wasn't good considering she was on the brink of becoming a famous Neonatal surgeon. It was happening to her all over again. Trouble seemed to follow her wherever she went. Four years ago she had left Charming, California to protect her children and now she had to go back there for the exact same reason.

"Mom?" She turned and looked at her nine-year-old daughter Emily with blonde hair that reminded her so much of Jax. God she missed Jax.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Are we really moving back to Charming?"

"Yea baby, we are."

"Is it because of Joshua?"

Tara looked at her daughter carefully. Emily was smart and perceptive to a fault. Hitting Tara was one thing, but doing it in front of her kids was not ok. "Yes. We aren't safe here anymore baby. But I am going to make sure that nothing happens to you and your brother ok?" Emily nodded, tracing the bruise on Tara's face. Tara hugged her little girl close. "I love you baby."

"I love you too mommy."

"Ok baby, why don't you get ready for bed and you and your brother can read the next chapter of your book ok?"

"Ok!" Emily leapt off Tara's lap and ran into the bedroom she shared with her brother Abel.

Tara sighed and leaned her head back on the couch. She shook her head, picking up her phone and dialing a familiar number. "Hey Opie, its Tara. Listen, me and the kids are coming back to Charming..."

Ten Years Ago...

"Jax... There's something I have to tell you." Jax was currently attacking his girlfriend's neck with his lips.

"Can it wait baby? I haven't seen you in two months. This Medical School better be worth it. I have missed you like crazy..."

Jax started to unbutton Tara's blouse, his lips following his fingers as he went, "Jax... I'm pregnant."

That got his attention and he stopped suddenly. "What?"

"Yeah. I'm probably exactly two months along."

Jax remembered that night fondly. Him and Tara had had a bit of a fight on the phone and it got Jax so worked up that he drove his Harley all the way to San Diego nonstop. When he had gotten to her dorm room she was alone, wearing boxers and one of his SAMCRO shirts and that was the end of their fight. He couldn't recall putting on a condom.

"You're smiling." Tara asked with concern.

"Baby, I know we said we were going to wait to have kids but..."

"I've only just finished my first year of school."

Jax took Tara in his arms, "we can make this work babe. I'll come to San Diego for a while and I know Gemma will be happy to help out. I love you."

Tara smiled and allowed herself to get caught up in the excitement of being pregnant with Jackson Teller's baby. She played with the edges of his kutte, "you know... being pregnant means you can forget condoms for another seven months..."

Jax smiled coyly. "Marry me baby." He said.

"What?"

"We belong together. You're my old lady and now you're having my baby. I want us to make it official." As he said official, he ran his hands under her shirt to the small of her back, his fingers tracing her crow tattoo. "So?"

Tara jumped into Jax's arms, tackling him to the bed. "Yes Jackson Teller. I will marry you."

"I love you" He kissed her, then ran his hands across her flat stomach, "and I love you too little one."

PRESENT

Jackson Teller sat in the bar of the SAMCRO clubhouse nursing his sixth or seventh beer. He had just received letters earlier that day from his kids and pictures that he assumed Tara had put in there for him. Emily and Abel were getting so big. He hadn't seen them in four years and everyday it was a constant struggle for him to even get out of bed in the morning.

As he looked through the pictures again and again he kept stopping at one of Emily, Abel and Tara. It must have been taken during the fourth of July. They were all wearing red, white and blue. Tara looked stunning. She would always been the most beautiful women he had ever seen. Her beauty had haunted him since he was fifteen years old. You would never know that she had had two kids except for the fact that both Emily and Abel looked so much like their mother minus her brown hair.

Jax closed his eyes, thinking about the last time he had run his fingers through Tara's long hair. It was the night before his whole life went to shit. Of course he had killed the Mayan behind the Sons of Anarchy family picnic shooting but that hadn't been enough. Abel had caught a stray bullet in the arm and his family would never be the same.

"Hey Jax!" He opened his eyes and turned to the voice. It was Opie.

"Hey brother. What's going on?"

"I just received some interesting news. Got a call to make sure Tara's old man's house was still in good condition."

"Oh yeah? Are they finally going to sell that piece of shit house?"

"No brother. Tara and the kids are moving in. She's coming back to Charming..."

END CHAPTER 1


	3. Chapter 2

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 2

"Donna, thanks so much for helping me move back into the house."

"It's no problem Tara. I've missed you. It will be nice to be with someone who doesn't give a shit or bend over backwards for SAMCRO."

"Yea..." Tara said, staring into the backyard where her children had already reconnected with Donnas kids and were now playing what appeared to be tag.

"Opie told Jax you were coming home." Donna confessed as she unwrapped some mugs from a box.

Tara sighed, "I knew he would. I'm actually surprised Jax and Gemma weren't parked in the driveway when I got here."

"Opie asked Jax to back off for a couple of days. Let you and the kids get settled in. I don't think Gemma knows, she would definitely be here if she did."

"You're telling me Jax actually listened to someone?"

Donna put a comforting arm around Tara, "Jax was a complete wreck after you left with Emily and Abel and he's changed a lot. Apparently he's really trying to turn the club around."

"He should have left with us." Tara whispered.

"I know. They all should leave with us. But none of them do."

Tara nodded. She knew Donna never was a fan of the club and she knew of the struggles she had with trying to get Opie to get out of the Sons. "I really should head over to the club house tomorrow, maybe after my orientation at the hospital. I need to talk to Jax before he sees Emily and Abel. I mean, letters is one thing, but they haven't seen him in four years. We're all different. Plus, I should face the wrath of Gemma."

Donna pulled her friend in closer, "You've recently updated your will right?" She joked.

Fifteen Years Ago

"Jax, you really don't have to take care of me like this."

"I'm not letting you go back into that house while your father is like that. I'm taking you to my house."

Tara nodded. Never in a million years did she think Jackson Teller, Prince of SAMCRO, would ever walk her home, let alone take her to his house. They had been at the same party and because Tara was friends with Opie's girlfriend Donna, he had offered to walk her home.

Of course Jax had offered mainly because Tara looked hot as hell in a mini skirt and tank top. He had dropped her off and before he had made it to the end of the driveway he heard a loud crash and a scream. He had bolted back up the drive and forced himself into the house. Blinded by the sight of Tara, cowering in her kitchen and her dad poised to hit her, Jax immediately tackled her father to the ground. It had only taken one solid punch to knock the older man out cold. Jax grabbed Tara's hand and led her quickly out of her house.

"Really Jax, this is unescessary. My dad just has a little too much to drink sometimes." Tara explained.

"Thats no excuse. You don't deserve any of that shit." Jax took off his SAMCRO hoodie and offered it to her. As much as he hated seeing her cover up the tank top, it was getting cold and he was trying to score some gentleman points.

"Thanks." Tara put on the hoodie and took a moment to inhale the scent. It made her dizzy.

"So... Donna was telling me you do really well in school. She said you get A's on everything you do." Jax commented, trying to change the subject.

"Something like that. I want to be a doctor."

Jax stared at her, "really? Thats amazing" This girl was way out of his league. A doctor? Who was he kidding?

They walked for another twenty minutes or so. Tara talked about school and Jax talked about SAMCRO and the Harley he would soon be getting for his sixteenth birthday.

Jax's house was in a nicer neighborhood and larger than Tara's. He opened the front door and Tara was met by the most unnerving gaze.

"Mom, this is Tara. She needs to crash here tonight."

For the rest of Tara's life, she would forever fear the scowl she would always receive from Gemma Teller-Morrow.

Present

Tara hated the way her body betrayed her when she thought about Jax. She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans as she walked through the gates of Teller-Morrow, a place that had felt like a second home now felt so foreign to her. She had parked her dads Cutlass on the street because anyone seeing it in the garage would immediately know it was her. She passes the Harley's and stopped in front of one she knew all too well. Jax was here. His bike was parked next to Clays.

She flushed as memories of her and Jax on that bike came to the forefront of her mind. She remembered the day he got the bike. Tara had shared his first ride with him. Being on the back of that bike, holding tightly to Jax was exhilarating. Damn her body for betraying her again.

As quickly as her mind had drifted, it was painfully taken away when a loud voice was heard across the garage.

"What the hell are you doing here you little bitch?"

Tara turned towards the voice.

"Hello to you too Gemma."

END CHAPTER 2


	4. Chapter 3

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 3

"Don't you 'hello Gemma' me you little selfish bitch. Where the hell are my grandchildren? How dare you take them away from us here!" Tara knew coming to the club first was not a very good idea.

Tara stood her ground. She had a few choice words for Gemma as well but bit her tongue. This was not neutral territory for Tara and Gemma anymore. They would have to hash out their problems another time.

"My children are with Donna right now. We're moving into my dads house."

Tara noticed a myriad of emotions pass across Gemma's face. Anger, then relief and happiness knowing that a part of her family would be back in Charming. The happiness was short lived however, "did Jax know about this? Why wouldn't he tell me?"

"I think Opie told him last week."

Gemma nodded. "The boys are in Chapel right now. Should be almost done. I'll give them shit then."

"Of course they are." Tara muttered. She looked over to the clubhouse, wondering what type of illegal activities they were involved in now. She had always known about the guns. Jax had always told her the truth but after four years apart, who knew what other outlaw jobs they had picked up.

"You still seem pretty bitter about this club Tara. What the hell are you doing back here then?"

"I have to take care of some things of my Dads." Apparently they were going to hash this out now. "And yes, I am still a little bitter about this club. This club almost got Abel and Emily killed!"

"Leaving this club could have gotten them killed too!" Gemma shouted. "You knew what you were getting into when you and Jax got together. I knew it was a bad idea even back then…"

Jax sat in his usual seat next to Clay. He wasn't really paying attention as Clay talked about their most recent problem with the Mayans.

KNOCK KNOCK

Everyone looked to the door that slowly opened, "Half Sack! What the hell is so important you have to interrupt us?" Tig asked him, ready to kick his ass.

"Ummm," Half Sack looked at Jax and Clay. "Your Old Ladies are going at it in the lot outside."

Jax and Clay looked at each other before quickly getting up from their seats and running outside.

Once outside Clay made his way over to his wife, who was currently yelling at Tara but Jax stopped midway. He couldn't get his feet to move any further. He watched as Clay led Gemma away from Tara. He also saw Clay smile at Tara, in a silent welcome back he didn't want Gemma to see.

His eyes fixated on her. The love of his life; the mother of his two beautiful children. She looked thinner than she had in the picture he had gotten in the mail, and she looked exhausted, the way she used to when she had spent all night studying for an exam and then would drive all the way from San Diego to Charming to get to him and their kids. Even tired and far to frail for his liking, Tara was still absolutely gorgeous.

Once Clay had successfully gotten Gemma into the clubhouse, Jax found his footing and walked over to her. He couldn't help but swallow loudly when he got a better glimpse of her in her tight jeans and tight button up blouse. Jax couldn't help but picture those buttons scattered on the pavement. He was still madly in love with the woman who had taken his kids and left him.

"Hi." Tara whispered.

"Hey." The embraced in a hug, and while intentionally platonic, both Tara and Jax couldn't help but linger a little bit longer. "So, you're back? The kids are alright?" Jax wanted to ask if she was alright as well but held back.

Tara smiled when he mentioned Emily and Abel. "The kids are great. I don't know how long I'll be here. I need to deal with some of my Dads stuff. I got a job at St. Thomas though."

Jax smiled. His wife truly astounded him. He was glad her dreams of being a doctor has come true. Of course she'd be able to get a job here; who wouldn't want her? "That's great Tara. I'm proud of you."

Tara remembered how hard it had been. Going to school in San Diego while Jax stayed in Charming with Emily and Abel, looking after them with Gemma's help. They had decided that would be their best option. "Thanks."

"So, where are Emily and Abel? I can't wait to see them."

"They are with Donna and her kids. They really want to see you too. Abel has been talking about you non stop."

"And Emily?"

Tara sighed, "she's still a little pissed that she had to leave her friends in Chicago. The first thing she asked when she got here was 'where is the mall?'"

Jax and Tara both laughed. There was so much unresolved tension between the two of them but talking about Emily and Abel came naturally to them, and calmed them.

"She's a big city girl now huh?"

"Something like that. But that's my fault. Chicago is a busy city. You can't help but get swept up in it. I'll probably take her into San Francisco for a weekend before school starts in the Fall."

"She'll like that…" Jax trailed off, remembering a bike trip he and Tara had taken to Golden Gate Park when they were seventeen and madly in love.

Both were uncomfortably silent, which was not common for them. They used to be able to sit in comfortable silence for hours, just enjoying each others company.

"Umm, I told Donna I wouldn't be too late. Do you want to come back to the house and see the kids? I didn't want to bring them here. I thought it might be a little bit overwhelming for them."

"You're right about that. I'll talk to Gemma. Get her to calm down. She should be happy her grandkids are back in Charming. And of course I want to see Emily and Abel. I'll follow you on my bike."

Tara closed her eyes, wishing he could be on the back of that bike with him. "Sure."

As Tara went to her car, Jax went to his bike. He watched her get into the old cutlass and couldn't help but smirk when her short rode up and he caught a glimpse of her lower back and the crow that was etched into her beautiful skin.

He was going to do everything in his power to win his family back. He wouldn't let them go again.

A/N: So, no flashback in this chapter. I did write one, but it ended up being three pages and not really going with the flow of this chapter. Loving the reviews I'm getting and hoping that you're all loving the story.


	5. Chapter 4

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 4

On the drive back to Tara's house, Jax had to be careful not to speed in front of Tara's car. He had waited four years since he had mistakenly and regretfully let his wife leave with his children and not followed them. He couldn't wait to see Emily and Abel again. At the time it had been right to stay with the club. Following Tara to Chicago could have brought more problems.

Of course he had talked to his children almost every week on the phone. Tara had never wanted to keep his kids away from him; she just wanted to get Emily and Abel out of Charming. She was great about sending him pictures and letting him know what was happening in their children's lives.

SOASOASOASOA

Two Years Ago

At nine-o-clock on a Tuesday night, Jax's home phone rang. Usually he wouldn't be home this early, but he had just gotten home from a four day ride and needed to crash somewhere other than the clubhouse.

"Hello?"

"Hi Daddy!"

Jax smiled, "hey baby girl. How are you?"

"I'm good. Mom said you might not be home but she said I could leave you a message."

"I must have known a beautiful little girl would be calling me."

He heard Emily giggle over the phone. He could hear Tara in the background telling Emily to let him know what she was going to tell him because it was getting late.

"Daddy… I wanted to tell you that I won my Spelling Bee today at school!"

"Really? Emily that's so great." He was so proud of his little girl. Smart like her mother.

"Yea! And I got a trophy."

"Awesome little one."

"I just wanted to tell you before I went to bed… I'll still call on Sunday but Abel always talks longer than me."

"Ok baby. I love you."

"I love you too Daddy."

"Can you put your mom on the phone for me?"

"Mom! Daddy wants to talk to you!" Jax had to hold the phone away from his ear as his daughter yelled.

"Hey Jax."

"Hey, thanks for letting Emily call. Wish I could have seen it."

"I'll send you pictures. She was great."

"Smart, like her mother."

Tara sighed. "Thanks. Listen Jax, it's been a really long day, and I have early rounds at the hospital tomorrow."

"I understand."

"We'll call like usual on Sunday, and I'll send you the Spelling Bee pictures."

"Thanks. You have a good night Tara." God he missed her.

"You too Jax."

SOASOASOASOASOA

As Jax pulled his motorcycle into the driveway, Jax hoped he never had to wait for a scheduled phone call again.

"I'm just going to go to Donna's and grab them." Tara said, heading down the street. Donna and Opie only lived two houses away from Tara's dad.

In a matter of minutes, Jax could hear two sets of small feel running down the street.

"Dad!"

"Daddy!"

Jax beamed. His kids were gorgeous and had gotten so big. He kneeled as Emily and Abel ran at him at full speed. Both kids leapt at him and he grabbed then mid air and swung them around and held them close. This was a million times better than a stupid phone call. "I missed you guys so much."

"We missed you too Daddy!" Abel said, clinging to Jax's neck.

Tara, finally catching up with her speedy kids, stopped a good ten feet away to admire the view. The big bad biker hugging his kids fiercely. Tears formed in her eyes as she saw her kids reunite with their father for the first time in fours years. She really did regret leaving Charming but it had to happen. If she didn't have kids to think about, of course she would still be in Charming, probably with a gun in her purse. She had to think of Emily and Abel's safety. The same thought that brought her back to Charming now.

"Mom, can we show Dad our room?" Tara was brought out of her thoughts by Emily's question.

"Sure baby… let's go inside."

Tara laughed as Jax carried Emily and Abel upside down with his strong arms. His physique sure hadn't changed since they had been away.

It scared her how easily her family came back together after it had been so brutally ripped apart.

"Are you coming Mom?" Abel called, still upside down in his Dad's arms.

"Yeah… Come Abel."

A/N: This chapter is short I know. I just wanted to get this part out so I could move ahead. I have so many ideas and flashbacks I want to do so stay tuned!


	6. Chapter 5

Whispers of what we were.

Chapter 5

It had been about a month since Tara had moved back to Charming with Emily and Abel. The small town had not changed at all. It seemed that The Sons of Anarchy still owned every part of the town. Tara was used to it. When she was a teenager she used to like it. When she and Jax were dating, they could get away with almost anything, including going to bars and getting served drinks when they were only seventeen. It was amazing how her views had changed.

Tara and Jax had worked out a very loose custody arrangement to fit around Tara's unpredictable hospital schedule at the hospital. Jax had left the kids room intact at the house he used to share with Tara so they would stay there overnight if Tara was on-call. If Jax became unavailable, Gemma, who had immensely enjoyed reconnecting with her grandkids, was more than happy to watch them; although she still held quite the grudge against Tara.

Gemma had always hated someone with a passion or loved someone unconditionally. With Tara, Gemma flopped between the two whenever the mood had seemed to strike her. When Jax had first brought Tara home, Gemma had hated her. She saw the way Jax looked at Tara and instantly knew their relationship would bring trouble. After a while, Gemma warmed up to Tara, treating her like a daughter and teaching her a lot about SAMCRO. Once Gemma found out that Tara had gotten into UCSD for medical school and Jax was planning on moving there with her she was back to hating Tara again. She went back to loving her when her and Jax decided that keeping Emily and Abel in Charming while Tara went to school was for the best and finally, fiercely hating her again when she packed up Emily and Abel and took them across the country to Chicago.

Now, back in Charming, it was still taking a while for Gemma to come back around to the loving again. Tara smiled to herself and she drove from the hospital to Gemma's house where she was currently watching Emily and Abel. She thought back to all those times when she and Jax had just started dating and Gemma was doing everything in her power to keep them apart. It was funny to think that someone who hated her so much, unconditionally loved her kids.

SOASOASOASOASOA

Fourteen years ago

"Happy Birthday baby."

"Thanks Mom."

Jax leaned in to hug his mother but made a point to keep holding his girlfriends hand. "Tara, I'm surprised you made it tonight. Jax said you had a lot of studying to do this week." Gemma spat out. This girl just would not go away.

"Jesus Christ Mom." Jax warned.

"I wouldn't have missed Jax's sixteenth birthday party for anything Gemma." Tara smiled as she felt Jax squeeze her hand. His girl was getting good and shooting down Gemma.

Tara knew what Gemma was trying to do. She wouldn't let Gemma try to keep Jax away from her.

"Come on Tara, let's go and get a drink."

On their way into the clubhouse, Jax and Tara were stopped by Clay. "There he is! The man of the hour!" He said loud enough to get everyone's attention. "I'm proud of you son. Your old man would be proud of you today."

Tara felt Jax tense a little at the mention of his father. In a bold move to sooth Jax, she leaned upwards to give Jax a quick kiss on the cheek, breaking him from his dark thoughts.

Jax looked at Tara and smiled. She knew exactly what he needed. How could his mother not see that?

For the rest of the night, Jax kept Tara close to him. He knew how she felt about the crow eaters that hung around the club so keeping her close to him made her feel more relaxed. Besides, Tara was looking good in her tight jeans and sparkly halter top, he wouldn't dare let her go.

At one point in the night, after Tara had gone to the washroom, she was walking back to Jax and noticed a young girl in an extremely short skirt, with a top that was at least three sizes too small for her breasts, trying to get Jax's attention. Jax was having none of it.

Tara smiled. Surprising Jax, she walked over to him and sat in his lap. "Hey babe. You miss me?" She smirked, and then gave him a commanding kiss on the lips.

"Hell yeah I did." Jax answered, attacking her lips again, his hand running down her back. By the time they had finished making out, the crow eater was nowhere to be found.

"Alright, alright!" Everyone looked up, "Can I get everyone's attention before this party gets a little too out of hand and you all start passing out?" Clay's authoritative voice boomed over the rowdy crowd. "Jax, as you well know, we don't let anyone prospect until they are at least eighteen but we gave Opie his Prospect kutte last month and the guys and I have agreed that now that you are sixteen, you'd make an excellent Prospect." Jax's face lit up. "But, you're not getting a Prospect kutte." Jax's face fell and everyone was silent. Clay reached behind him and produced a SAMCRO full member kutte. "Welcome to the club son."

Everyone cheered and Tara got off Jax's lap just in time because he would have thrown her off to her at that kutte.

Jax took his kutte from Clay, hugging him and his mother fiercely. Tara, although feeling a little abandoned, smiled for Jax. This was what he had always wanted. His dreams of being a Son were now a reality.

"Now, as a SAMCRO member, you're still missing one thing." Clay reached into his back pocket and pulled out a set of keys with a Harley Davidson keychain attached.

Jax beamed and ran outside, the rest of the club following behind him.

Tara followed slowly outside and stood behind the crowd, watching as Jax admired his brand new bike. Tara scanned the crowd and noticed Gemma smirking at her. She may have found the one thing that could pull her and Jax apart.

Lost in her thoughts, Tara couldn't hear Jax calling her name until he was right in front of her, handing her a helmet. "Take my first ride with me baby?"

Tara smiled and nodded, sending a smirk of her own Gemma's way. Maybe there would be room for Tara in Jax's new life.

SOASOASOASOA

"Sorry I'm late Gemma. I had a complication with one of my patients." Tara said, walking into Gemma's house.

Gemma was sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying a cup of tea; her parrot sitting on a perch across from her. "That's ok. Hope everything is alright?"

"Uhhh, yeah. The kid should make a full recovery." Tara answered a little confused. Usually she didn't make small talk with Tara anymore.

"That's great."

"Yeah... So, where are the kids?"

"Oh, they are out in the backyard. It's so hot out today I said they could run through the sprinkler."

"They'll never want to come home." Tara smiled.

"I'm glad you're back Tara."

"Thanks Gemma. That means a lot."

"Now... I was concerned about something Emily told me today."

"I knew there was a reason you were being nice to me Gemma. What did Emily say?"

"She mentioned someone from Chicago." Tara's face fell. "I think she let it slip. Like you told her not to tell anyone."

"It's in the past."

"You were always a bad liar. I always knew when you and Jax stole my pot." Gemma smirked, "now, tell me... Who's Joshua?"

END CHAPTER


	7. Chapter 6

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 6

Tara froze. She had told Emily and Abel not to mention Josh to anyone in Charming but she couldn't put blame on an eight and nine year old. She didn't know how much Emily had said so she decided to play it as cool as she could in her current frozen state.

"Josh was someone I was seeing in Chicago. It's over now Gemma."

"Kids are very observant Tara. When we this they don't know what's going on, they usually do."

"What are you trying to say here Gemma?"

"Listen, I could care less who you were fucking back in Chicago. God knows Jax stuck it in more dirty skanks than you can imagine."

Tara cringed at Gemma's low blow. "Gee thanks for that Gemma."

"Jax had every right to go crazy. You left him! But you had my grandkids with you. Emily accidentally told me about this Josh guy and then she freaked out. Got really quiet. Nervous. That's not like her. I asked her more about him and Abel said that they weren't allowed to talk about him. Why is that Tara?"

Tara was relieved but what she had heard. "It wasn't a very long relationship. My only one since I moved to Chicago. I didn't think you and Jax needed to hear about it. That's all."

Gemma nodded skeptically, about to say more but her further inquisition was interrupted by Abel running into the house. "Mommy! Emily is hogging the sprinkler."

Tara laughed at her son, wearing a soaking wet SAMCRO t-shirt, his long blonde hair dripping. He looked a lot like Jax. "Abel, honey. Go back outside; you're dripping on Grandma's floor. Tell your sister to turn off the water. We're going home now."

"Ok Mom." Abel answered, running back outside.

"And grab your towels!" She called after his. She turned to Gemma. "Sorry about the mess." She apologized, hoping the conversation about Josh was over.

"It's just a little water. They really are great kids. Smart."

"Yeah, they are." Tara agreed. She walked over to the kitchen counter to grab her kid's backpacks and was startled when Gemma reached out and lifted the back of Tara's scrub top, exposing her crow.

"Hey!" Tara yelled, backing away.

"I'm sure that Josh guy didn't like that tattoo very much." Gemma smiled, taking another sip of her tea.

Tara ignored the comment. "Thanks for watching the kids. I'm off tomorrow but I'll drop them off Thursday morning before I go to work." And then she walked outside.

"That's just fine." Gemma answered her after she left. Something was definitely going on with her daughter-in-law.

Shortly after Tara had left, Gemma got a call from Clay, telling her to hurry down to the clubhouse.

"Babe, you need to get down here. Tig got hurt and Jax looks like shit."

"Jesus Christ. I'm coming."

SOASOASOASOASOA

Four Months Ago.

Tara awoke to someone's finger tracing lines along her lower back. She opened her eyes, coming face to face with her new boyfriend, Joshua Kohn, his eyes dark and accusing.

"Who's Jax? And what's SAMCRO?" He asked, tracing his fingers over the two words. Normally, crow tattoos didn't include the clubs name or a person's name but when Tara was seventeen, Jax had insisted and she had happily obliged. Jax had loved being a member of SAMCRO and he wanted everyone to know who she belonged to. She wasn't just anyone's Old Lady. She was Jax's Old Lady.

Tara moved away from Josh and pulled down her shirt to recover the tattoo. "It's nothing Josh. It's part of my past."

"It's not part of the past if it is still on your fucking skin!" He said angrily.

Tara could not figure out why this was making Josh angry. Lots of people had tattoos. "Jax is Emily and Abel's father." She confessed.

Unprovoked and without warning, Josh's hand reached out and backhanded Tara across the face. Tears formed in her eyes, her cheek stinging harshly. She was too stunned to move.

A few minutes passed and as if turning into a different person, Josh took Tara's face tenderly in his hands. "Oh baby. I am so sorry. I just got a little jealous. You understand that right? Tartar?"

This guy was crazy. Tara had to get out of his apartment. She nodded to placate him, "I uhh, I have to get back to work."

Josh nodded, smiling as if nothing had happened. He leaned in and kissed Tara. It took everything she had in her not to vomit. "Ok baby. Call me later."

Tara forced a smile and got out of bed. She most definitely would not be calling him later.

SOASOASOASOA

Later than night, Tara was in the living room reading when her phone started to ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey Tara, it's me."

"Everything ok Jax?"

She could hear Jax sigh on the other end, "I really didn't want to have to call you Tara, but-"

Tara knew exactly what this was about. "Who got shot?" As soon as Tara had completed a Trauma rotation, the club loved having Tara, the bullet remover around. Not to mention, it had given her a lot of extra practice with her sutures.

"Tig. A drop off went a little wrong." Jax answered honestly, and Tara appreciated that.

"Are you guys at the club?"

"Yeah. And Gemma is here too. She said she could watch the kids. They could crash in my old dorm room."

Tara sighed. She had asked Jax not to bring the kids around the club just yet, although they had spent plenty of time there as toddlers. Taking her kids to the clubhouse while a Club Member was bleeding in an adjacent room was not high on her priority list. It was bound to happen however. Jax had said that the guys had missed Emily and Abel and were all dying to see them. "Yeah, ok. Let me just pack up my medical bag and the kids and I will be there soon."

"Thanks Tara. It means a lot."

"Of course Jax."

As she hung up, she momentarily wondered if one of Jax's 'dirty skanks' that Gemma had talked about would be there. Probably not, when a Son was hurt, they usually cleaned out the clubhouse and left only members around.

"Emily! Abel! Put your shoes on; we have to go and see Daddy."

The kids were more than happy to rush to the car to see their Dad. Tara on the other hand was shuffling her feet to pack her medicine bag. What had she been thinking? Back in Charming and month and already running to the club like some crow eater.

On the drive over, she had to admit to herself that she had missed certain members of SAMCRO. Not Tig of course; but Opie, his father Piney, Bobby and Juice, who had just been a prospect when she left. She smiled as she remembered all the times Jax had him wash her car.

When Tara pulled the car into Teller-Morrow garage, she was met by Jax, who was sporting a brand new black eye. Emily and Abel had already gotten out of the car and were running into their Dad's arms while Tara went to the trunk to grab her bag.

"Daddy... Your black eye looks like the one Mommy had."

Hearing Abel's words caused Tara to stop everything. Her kids obviously could not keep secrets and they were slowly starting to unravel hers.

END CHAPTER

A/N: I just had to put in a scene where Gemma lifted Tara's shirt. I think that's the only time we've EVER seen Tara's tattoo right? And, does she really have that rose tattoo on her back? I noticed in episode 401 at the wedding you couldn't see it? Anyone have any insight?

Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter. A lot coming up in the next one!

Also, I really see no end in sight for this story and was wondering if anyone could tell me more about the "family flaw". I know it's a heart condition that has proven dangerous to a number of Tellers but do we know what its called?


	8. Chapter 7

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 7

Seven Years Ago...

"You be good for Grandma ok Em?" Tara asked her two year old daughter, "I'll be back next week baby."

"No momma! You stay!"

At her two year old pleading words, tears started to form in Tara's eyes. Abel, at nine months, didn't understand what was really happening and was quite content with his bottle Gemma was giving him. Emily on the other hand, was beginning to realize that when Tara had luggage, she would be gone for a long time, and was getting really good at throwing tantrums.

Jax put a hand on Tara back, reassuring her. He bent down to pick up Emily. "Little one; Mommy has to go to school so she can become a famous doctor. Don't you want Mommy to be a doctor?"

"No!" Emily shouted, burying her face in the crook of her father's neck.

"You go babe. She'll be fine." Jax said to Tara.

"Yeah... ok." Tara was really beginning to re-think the whole leaving her family behind while finishing school in San Diego thing. She gave Jax a kiss then placed one on the top of Emily's head. "I love you guys." Then she went to Gemma, "thanks again Gemma." She said, giving Abel a kiss on his chubby cheek.

"No problem baby. You better come back with perfect scores on those exams." Gemma said.

"I will." She had better get the best possible grades. Something good had to come out of all the heart ache she felt when she left her kids and Jax behind.

SOASOASOASOA

Tara shut the trunk and was not surprised by Jax's cool gaze. These were the looks he would give when Tara was a teenager and came to him with bruises on her arms from her father's not so gentle hand. She walked up to Jax, her kids climbing all over him like a jungle gym. "Let's not do this now Jackson." She whispered to him.

"I'm not going to let you leave until we talk later." He whispered back, his angry face vanishing as he scooped up his kids and ran them around the compound.

Tara began walking towards the clubhouse. "You're forehead is going to need stitches later!" She called after him.

Tara knew she had only barely dodged a bullet, but like a boomerang it was going to come back and kick her ass, but with Jax occupied outside with Emily and Abel, she could at least come up with a plan; only if her kids didn't rat her out again.

Of course she had come back to Charming for the safety aspect of it all after her run-ins with Josh, but she knew if she told Jax or the club about any of it, they would make a bigger deal about it than was necessary. Neither of her kids had been home when Josh had come after her that third time, but she guessed when she had been on the phone with the police, Emily had been listening in the other room. She had told Abel however that her black eye was due to walking into a door. She hoped that would be the story Abel told Jax.

Tara didn't have much time to think about Jax because as soon as she stepped inside the clubhouse she was picked up and swung around by Juice.

"Welcome back Doc!" He said, hugging her tight.

"Thanks Juice. My car missed you too; it's looking a little dirty you know?" She teased him.

"Haven't you heard Doc? I'm full SAMCRO now!"

"Yes I did. Congratulations Juice."

"Thanks, but I'm sure Half Sack; our latest prospect would be happy to wash your care."

"Half Sack?"

"You don't want to know."

"Tara, it's good to have you back."

"Thanks Bobby."

"Where are those kids of yours?"

"They are outside with Jax." Both Bobby and Juice went outside quickly. They were really just big kids themselves.

"Little girl! You come over here and give this Old Man some love."

Tara laughed, walking over to Piney. She leaned in and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek. "I've missed you Dirty Old Man."

"Since you've been gone, he's only gotten dirtier and older."" Opie responded.

"Hey! Can we do this reunion shit when I don't have a fucking bullet stuck in my shoulder!" Tara heard Tig's voice from the other room. Tara rounded the corner and saw Chib's putting pressure on Tigs latest gunshot wound. "Thank Christ... The prodigal doctor returns. I've missed you baby. Nice to have a real doctor back." Tig turned to Chibs, "no offense."

"Fine by me. I've missed the good Doctor around here too. This one is kind of out of my scope. There's no exit wound and I cannot get that bullet out."

Tara took it all in; bloody towels on the floor and one bullet wound on Tigs left shoulder that seemed to be bleeding profusely. "Has he passed out at all? From the blood loss or anything?" Tara asked Chibs.

"Not yet... Unfortunately. He's plenty drunk though."

"That might be a good thing. The bullet is probably lodged in his scapula." Tara shook her head. Someone could have died. She put her medical bag on a nearby table.

"This gonna hurt Doc?" Tig asked.

"I can numb it up with a bit of lidocaine but I don't have anything stronger for you." She answered truthfully, pulling on a pair of latex gloves. "Just like riding a bike." She murmured to herself. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and tried to forget about the last bullet would she had seen. The one her son had gotten.

SOASOASOASOA

Outside the clubhouse, Jax was keeping Emily and Abel entertained by challenging them to a game of tag.

"Hey Abel?" Jax asked his son, dodging his advances.

"Yeah Daddy?"

"When did Mom have a black eye?" Jax immediately noticed Emily quiet, and put her head down, facing her shoes.

"Umm, before school ended in the summer."

"What happened?" Jax took note that his daughter was becoming increasingly fascinated with her shoelaces.

"She ran into a door." Abel answered, finally catching his Dad and tagging him. "You're it!" He yelled, running in the opposite direction.

Something was up, but interrogating his children was not something he was planning on doing, "I'm going to get you little man!"

Emily realized that they had stopped talking about her mother's black eye and got back into the game.

SOASOASOASOA

A couple of hours later, Tara finally emerged from the back room. That bullet had been a bitch to get out of Tig's bone, and her incision had taken a while to sew up. Luckily, Tig has fallen asleep about an hour ago so it had been easier for her to work on him.

The only person left in the clubhouse was Jax, sitting at the bar, obviously waiting for her to finish up.

"How's Tig?" He asked her.

Tara made her way around the back of the bar and poured herself a shot. "He'll live, but his shoulder is going to kick his ass for a while." She said, downing her shot. Jax loved that his wife could still take a shot like a champ. It was sexy. "Where are the kids?"

"Well, after Gemma gave them ice cream and they ran around the compound with Juice, I put them to sleep in my room. Asleep before they hit the pillow."

"They've had a long day. Let me take a look at that cut."

"Ok... It will give us time to talk." Tara froze. "You think I forgot the little bomb our son dropped?"

'Here it comes' Tara thought. "Fine, we'll talk." Tara walked back around the bar and stood close to Jax to examine a cut he had sustained above his black eye. Jax could barely stand the proximity. She smelled so good. He had missed her so much. "This guy wearing a ring?" Tara asked, inspecting the cut.

"I guess."

"You're definitely going to need stitches Jax."

"As if I'm going to let some drunk stitch me up." Jax teased.

"I am hardly drunk Teller. Don't you worry, I won't mess up that pretty face of yours." She teased back, something that came so naturally to the two of them, as if nothing had ever changed. "You want some local anesthetic?"

"Nah, I'll be fine. You think I have a pretty face."

Instead of answering him, Tara started her first stitch, causing Jax to grimace. "Should have opted for the local tough guy." She said as she started to sew up his laceration. Tara's work was impeccable but halfway through she was starting to feel a little bit woozy. She hadn't eaten anything for dinner and that shot of Tequila had gone straight to her head. "I'm sure your dirty skanks won't even notice your little scar." She blurted out.

"Excuse me?" Jax asked with amusement.

"Nothing. Sorry. Keep still." She said, focusing on the cut. "I'm almost done."

"You've been talking to Gemma haven't you?"

"She may have mentioned something like that." Tara said, cutting off her sutures and taking off her gloves. "All done."

"Of course Gemma would say some shit like that."

"Don't worry about it Jax. I don't even know why I said it." That was a lie; she knew exactly why she had said it. The thought of Jax with another woman made her skin crawl.

"We'll come back around to that later. I want to know about this black eye Abel was talking about."

"It was nothing Jax. I ran into a door at work. Hurt like hell."

"Then why when Abel and I were talking about it, did Emily shut down?" Tara didn't answer. Jax took his hands and ran them up and down her arms, "What really happened Tara? Did someone hurt you?"

"God Jax... No. It was an accident ok? End of discussion."

"No. Not the end of discussion. Tara, you are my wife and if someone hurt you-"

Tara backed away from him, "I would use the word Wife very loosely Jax. You know the only reason we're still married is just in case you get your ass thrown in jail and I won't have to testify against you."

Tara knew those words would hurt Jax as soon as they left his mouth. "You're right Tara. Wife in name only." Jax spat out angrily.

"I'm taking Emily and Abel and we're going home now. Check on Tig in a couple hours. Make sure he's still breathing. Get him to come to the hospital tomorrow so I can change his dressings properly." Tara knew she had won this round, albeit a little dirty but hopefully this would steer Jax away for a while.

She got up and took the familiar hallway route to Jax's old dorm room. Tara was overwhelmed with memories of her time back here with Jax. She didn't want to hurt him; she still loved Jax with everything in her but telling him about Joshua Kohn, was more dangerous for Jax and his club than it was to her and if pushing Jax away was the best way to do this, then so be it.

END CHAPTER

A/N: Thanks so much for all the great reviews for chapter 6! They made me get this chapter out as fast as I could.

This chapter was a bit of a beast and had a life of its own. Jax and Tara just can't work it out yet can they? But I still hope I threw in enough cuteness to tide you over. We still have a ways to go until they can finally figure their shit out.


	9. Chapter 8

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 8

It had been two weeks since the night Tig had been shot and Jax had not seen or talked to Tara since. Tara had been good at avoiding him in the small town and she always had been. She had been dropping the kids off at Gemma's and was sure to pick them up when Jax was not around.

Right now, Emily and Abel were at the garage, both more interested in the car Juice was fixing up than their dad. Jax sat on the table top of a nearby picnic table watching them.

"Hey baby." Jax turned his head and smile at this mother walking towards him. "Slow day?"

"Yeah. I told the kids I'd take them to the park or something but they wanted to stay here... Help work on cars."

Gemma laughed and took a seat on the picnic table next to her son. "They remind me so much of you."

"Really? They remind me of Tara. Determined, focused, and smart." Jax said painfully.

Gemma studied her son. "Still haven't managed to talk to her again huh?" She wouldn't dare tell Jax that she and Tara were actually on better terms than they had been two weeks ago. Gemma had even had lunch with her a few times when she had a break at the hospital. Of course they only ever talked about the kids; they never talked about the past.

"She's avoiding me. Obviously. I just-"

"You want your family back." Gemma finished for him. She knew her son was unhappy; he had been for four years and that was Gemma's fault. Her and the club had made Jax stay; had made him unhappy. With Tara and the kids back in Charming however, maybe she could turn it all around. Jax and Tara, smart as they were, were acting completely stupid. They loved each other, simple as that.

"Makes me sound like a pussy huh?" Jax asked his mom with a smile.

"Not at all. Makes you sound like a man who loves his wife and kids."

Jax put his head in his hands. "I was so stupid not to follow her. I miss Tara so much."

Gemma put her arm around Jax's shoulder, "what the hell did you two fight about anyways?"

Jax looked at his mother with a hint of accusation. "Well, for starter, she brought up my 'dirty skanks'."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. What the hell was that all about huh?"

"The good doctor and I were in a little bit of a fight all our own."

"I don't even think she was that upset about it. That stung a little. But then Abel mentioned something about a black eye Tara had gotten in Chicago a couple of months ago. He said she ran into a door or some shit.

Gemma froze, her conversation with Tara about Josh coming to the front of her mind. "You don't believe it?"

"Well, I would have if Emily hadn't quieted down when Abel and I started talking about it. She wouldn't even look at me."

'Suspicion confirmed.' Gemma thought to herself. Emily had done the same thing when she brought up Tara's old boyfriend. This Josh guy had hurt Tara, she knew it. She couldn't tell Jax; he would freak out, possibly make Tara leave again. She had to get to the bottom of this. Tara, Emily and Abel were family; they had to be protected.

"You hang in there baby. Tara always came around."

Jax nodded. "I'm just worried. I mean, have you noticed how skinny she is? She looks like you. It's unhealthy."

"Gee thanks." Gemma had noticed, and it worried her too. "Maybe it's just the stress of the move and the new job. I'm having a barbeque at the house on Saturday and I'll tell Tara she had to come... We'll force feed her baby back ribs or something." She joked.

Jax laughed, "Thanks Mom."

"Anytime baby."

SOASOASOASOA

Four years ago...

"This barbeque was great Jax."

"Yeah, I thought it would be better to come to the park than the clubhouse. All the clubs are getting pretty big and so many of the guys have kids now; it's a better place." Jax said, running his fingers through his wife's hair. They had managed to sneak away from the group, happy to lie next to each other on the grass and watch the setting sun. Jax kissed the top of Tara's head, "I love you."

"Mmm, I love you too. Do you have eyes on our rug rats?"

"Yeah. Emily is with my mom and Abel's rough-housing with the guys."

Tara smiled, "of course he is."

Jax ran his hands down Tara's side, caressing her hip. "At least they'll sleep well tonight." He said mischievously.

"You trying to get lucky tonight Teller?"

"I'm always lucky babe."

BANG BANG! BANG BANG!

Jax and Tara bolted up. Women and children were screaming. Sons of Anarchy members drew their weapons and started shooting at a black van that was speeding away. Some club members jumped on their bikes and started to follow the van.

Jax noticed that none of the SAMCRO members had moved. They were circling around something. Someone.

"Tara! Jax!" They heard Gemma's desperate cries.

Both ran as fast as they could back to the group. Lying on the ground, surrounded by SAMCRO members was Abel. His eyes were shut and he wasn't moving. Blood was pouring out of a wound in his left leg.

"Ambulance is on its way!" Someone called.

Tara collapsed next to her son, only taking a moment to play the grieving mother before jumping into Doctor Mode. She quickly checked his pulse. Thank god he had one. He must have passed out from shock. Probably a good thing.

"Someone get me a towel! I need to get pressure on his leg!' Tara yelled at anyone who was listening. She was finding it hard to see through her tears. She could hear sirens in the distance.

Opie handed her a towel and she pressed it to her sons wound. "It's ok baby. You're going to be ok."

As she held her hands to Abel's leg, she felt someone touch her shoulder. It was Jax.

"Don't touch me! Get away from us!" She screamed at him.

SOASOASOASOA

Later that night, after Gemma had taken Emily and Abel home with her, a car pulled into the garage.

"Hey man... We're closed. Didn't you see the sign?"

The man stopped the car and got out. Dressed in a nice suit, salt and pepper hair. This guy didn't live in Charming. "I'm sorry. I don't need work done on my car. I'm here to ask you a few questions Mr. Teller." The man reached into his wallet, flashing a badge. "My name is agent Kohn; ATF. I'm in town investigating some illegal gun selling. You know anything about that Mr. Teller?"

END CHAPTER

A/N: Oh man... that flashback was hard to write... I was contemplating writing it at all. Kohn is now in town... uh oh...


	10. Chapter 9

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 9

"Yes Gemma, I understand… Fine… I'll be there I promise… Yes, I'll bring a salad… Ok… See you Saturday… Bye."

Tara sighed as she hung up the phone. There really was no way to say 'No' to Gemma Teller.

Going to this barbeque meant she would have to see Jax. Talk to him. The thought made her nervous. He would ask more questions. She knew he didn't believe her door story and like his mothers, Jax was hard to say 'No' too. Plus, he could be a persistent ass sometimes.

Tara glanced up from her patients chart and looked at the time. Thirty minutes until her had to be in surgery. She had to go and calm herself down. All this thinking about Jax was making her fidgety. Not good for a surgeon. She decided to make the familiar trip through the hospital to her favorite spot; the newborn nursery. Full of cute little babies she wouldn't have to operate on. These little babies, whose lives didn't rest in her hands; her currently fidgety hands.

Rounding the corner she stopped in her tracks. There, looking into the nursery; her favorite place to relax; was Joshua Kohn. The man who haunted her dreams. "Hello Tara. Babies… Gotta love them." He said casually.

She took a few cautious steps closer to him. "What the hell are you doing here? My restraining order works in the State of California." She said to him, trying to him her rattling nerves. Josh was unpredictable, irrational, and worst of all, unstable to a high degree.

"Not everything if about you Tar Tar." He said and Tara shuddered at the pet name. "Chicago came across a lot of illegal guns confiscated from a local gang… Surprisingly they've been traced all the way back to little Charming. to your beloved SAMCRO." Tara's heart fell. The last thing the club needed was ATF breathing down their necks; especially Kohn. "A Federal Agent trumps a little RO any day."

Tara stood frozen in place. She couldn't move. Of course he would work within the law to get at her. That's the only reason he hadn't been arrested for harassing her in the first place. "It's nice seeing you again Tara. You're looking well, considering…" He made a note to look into the nursery.

She knew what he was referring to and glared at him. "Get out of this hospital. I doubt your investigation has led you here."

He held up his hand in a defensive pose. "Ok, ok." He started walking away, "I'll be seeing you around."

SOASOASOASOA

Three and a half Months Ago…

Tara sat on her couch reading a medical journal. Emily and Abel were each at sleepovers and Tara had a rare night to herself.

KNOCK KNOCK

She glanced at the door. She had ordered some Chinese food but only about ten minutes ago. "That was fast." She said to herself.

Without looking to see who was at the door, it swung open and she was pushed back into her apartment. "How dare you!"

"Josh! What the hell are you doing here? What are you talking about?" She backed away from him, trying to find her phone.

"You know what I'm talking about. I know where you were two days ago. I know what you did." He said, seething.

"Josh, I-"

"You killed our child!" He accused.

"It wasn't a child." She stated matter-of-factly. It was obviously the wrong choice of words.

"How the hell can you say that? You're a murderer."

Tara ignored him. She knew how some people felt about abortion however, it was not a tough decision for her to decide on it. There was no way she could have this mans baby. "We are not together anymore Josh. You got notice of my restraining order…"

"I love you Tara! Don't you see that?" In two quick steps he was holding her arms firmly in place at her sides. She winced at the pain. It reminded her too much of her father when he used to yell at her when he was drunk. She struggled in his grasp. Thanks god Emily and Abel weren't here.

"Leave Josh. Leave now and I won't call the police. I don't love you! Get out!"

She knew yelling would upset him be she could help it. "Stop being such a bitch!" She yelled, letting for of her left arm with his right and punching her in the face; hard.

Tara flew back, landing on the floor. "You did this Tara. You! You and I are meant to be together. You'll see. You'll come around." He said before walking out the front door.

SOASOASOASOA

Tara had gotten another surgeon to take over her cases for the rest of the afternoon and after quickly checking on her post-op patients, she decided to pick up the kids early from the garage. They were with Jax and if ATF was digging around, she didn't want them near that. She also didn't want to risk Emily or Abel running into Josh while Jax was around. Her kids seemed to be good at spilling the beans these days.

She drove to the club house and saw Jax letting Emily and Abel help him work on his bike. Tara smiled, trying to forget about what had transpired at the hospital.

"Mom!" Emily shouted, running towards her and jumping into a hug.

"Hey baby. How was your day?" She asked, walking with her over to Jax and Abel.

"Good. I helped Juice replace a car battery." Emily said proudly. What had happened to her sweet little girl who like Barbie dolls? "But then I got dirty and it was gross." Tara smiled. There was a little sweet girl left in her.

"You're here early." Jax mentioned, getting up from his knees. She had to admit he looked good. Baggy jeans, or course and a white SON shirt, which was currently clinging to his sweaty torso.

"Yes. Surgery was cancelled." She lied. "I was wondering if you could take a look at the Cutlass? It's been making these weird noises when I brake." She didn't want to be alone with the kids right now. This bought her more time at the clubhouse. The safest place she knew of.

"Yeah sure, no problem." Jax turned to the kids. "Why don't you guys go inside? I think there is some ice cream left in the kitchen freezer." Emily and Abel ran happily into the clubhouse. Jax turned to Tara. "Just a heads up… I've been contacted by ATF. Some bullshit lead they think they have. I just want you to know in case they come asking questions."

Tara stilled. Josh had already been here and had talked to Jax. She smiled, "thanks for the head up. I'm going to head inside before those two get ice cream all over the place."

"Good idea." Jax laughed. "Are you coming to the Barbeque on Saturday?"

"Yeah. We'll be there. Gemma insisted."

"Good. I still want to talk to you."

"I know. We will." Tara confirmed. She had to talk to Jax about Kohn before this whole thing got out of hand.

END CHAPTER.

A/N: Ok... I wasn't planning on writing this chapter today because I'm at work but I managed to sneak it in. A lot of over the shoulder looking and minimizing was needed but I hope you all like it!


	11. Chapter 10

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 10

It had been two days since Tara has had her run in with Joshua and she had not seen or heard from him. She had spent those two days on call at the hospital and had refused to go home. Gemma and Jax had been watching Emily and Abel and Gemma was going to drop them off back at home tonight.

When she had down time at the hospital she wouldn't sleep and couldn't eat; always feeling like he was watching her; waiting. By the time Friday afternoon rolled around Tara's nerves were shot. She'd just finished two back to back surgeries and now her body was finally betraying her. Her eyes were stinging and she could barely move.

Shaking her head, knowing what she was about to do was completely stupid she picked up her phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Hello."

"Jax, its Tara."

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah... Umm... Are you busy right now?"

"Not at all. Just came from lunch with the kids at Gemma's. What do you need?" He asked with concern.

"I was wondering if you could pick me up from St. Thomas and drive me home?"

"The Cutlass still not running right?"

"No, the Cutlass is running fine. It's just been a really long couple of days. My nerves are a little fried."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Thanks Jax."

"Anytime."

Tara hung up the phone, feeling a little bit guilty for using Jax like that. She quickly finished up the rest of her charting. Fifteen minutes passes quickly as she packed up her bag and headed outside.

Already waiting for her was Jax, leaning up against his bike. One of Tara's favorite sights.

"Hey... You ok? You do look fried." He asked her, concerned as he handed her his helmet.

"Gee thanks." She smiled at him. "Just tired. Long surgeries. Thanks again for coming to get me."

Jax nodded. Did Tara really not know that he would do anything for her? Anything she asked for and it would be hers. He got on his bike and waiting for Tara to get on the back. She climbed on behind him and Jax had to bite back a groan when she leaned her whole body against his back and wrapped her arms tightly around his stomach.

Jax started up the powerful bike and Tara had to hold back a moan of her own. She forgot how good being on the back of Jax's rumbling Harley had felt. It felt familiar to wrap her arms around Jax. As he pulled out of the parking lot, Tara leaned her face against the leather of his kutte. She had missed that smell.

SOASOASOASOA

Fourteen Years Ago...

"Donna is going to be so jealous. She still hasn't had a ride on Opie's bike."

Jax smiled. He couldn't think of a better way to spend his birthday. After he and Tara rode out of Teller-Morrow, he rode with Tara gripping him tight, all around Charming for almost an hour. They had finally stopped just outside of the town limits. Jax had Tara pinned against the bike, currently running his tongue down her neck.

"Your first ride is supposed to be just the rider and his bike." Jax admitted.

"Really?"

"It's kind of an unwritten rule with the club."

"But you took me?" She stated, clearly confused.

"Of course I did." Jax smirked.

"Why?"

"Really? You want to be a doctor and you don't know why I brought you with me on my first ride?"

"Enlighten me Teller."

Jax took Tara's face in his hands. "Because I love you Tara Knowles."

"You do?" She whispered.

"Yeah baby. I think I've been in love with you since that first night I walked you home."

Tara had tears in her eyes. She knew how much of a big deal this was. She didn't even think Opie had said it to Donna. Most young SAMCRO members relished in the feeling of not being tied down to one chick. She gripped the edges of his new kutte, relishing in its softness. She leaned in and kissed Jax.

"I love you too Jax. So much."

They continued to make out against the bike until Tara finally pulled away. "You know... My Dad is out of town this week..." Her voice trailed off mischievously.

"Mmm, you should have said that earlier." She kissed her once more before getting back on the bike.

"Ditto." Tara replied coyly.

SOASOASOASOA

"Thanks so much for the ride Jax."

"No problem... Did you asking me for a ride have anything to do with that car that has been following us since the hospital?"

Tara paled and peeked around the corner. A few houses down, Josh was sitting in a car. "Oh my god." She whispered.

"What the hell is going on?"

"You know that agent that has been harassing the club." Jax nodded. This next part was going to hurt. "He's not here for the club. He's here for me. I was seeing him in Chicago." Jax's face fell. "He's been stalking me."

"What?"

"A few months ago things got violent and I broke things off..." Tara trailed off as Jax bolted down the street. "Jax! Don't!" She called after him.

"Go inside Tara! Lock the door!"

Tara opened her front door and quickly went inside. She leaned against the door and took several deep breaths before she began frantically began pacing in the living room.

About ten minutes had gone by when Tara was startled by a pounding on her door.

"Tara! It's me."

She sighed in relief and went to open the front door. Jax noticed Tara's blotchy eyes and he took Tara quickly in his arms. He ran his fingers through her hair, trying to soothe her.

"Tara... What the fuck did that bastard do to you?"

END CHAPTER


	12. Chapter 11

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 11

"You didn't kill him did you?" Tara asked. The last thing she wanted was for Jax to go to jail for killing a Federal Agent.

"Should I have?" Jax challenged. "Tell me what he did to you? He gave you that black eye Abel was talking about didn't he? Did he hurt our kids?"

"Jax! Slow down." Tara led Jax over to the couch and sat down next to him. "He never hurt Emily or Abel."

"But Emily knows about it." He stated.

"Yeah. I think she overheard me talking to the police about my restraining order. He's using the firearm investigation to get to me. He can override the RO because it interferes with the investigation."

"That's bullshit. Can he do that? What the hell happened Tara?" Jax asked, not really sure if he wanted the entire answer.

"I met him at the hospital in Chicago. He was so nice and we starting seeing each other. He was great with the kids too."

Jax hung his head. It hurt to know that for a time, there was another man in his children's life.

"One day he saw my tattoo and freaked out. He started asking me about you and SAMCRO. I tried to calm him down and he slapped me." Tara saw fury fill Jax's eyes. "I left and I never called him again but he kept calling... As if everything was fine and nothing had happened."

Jax stayed quiet, urging Tara to continue.

"He found out we were still married and he got so mad. He started leaving me threatening voicemails. That's when I got the restraining order."

Tara started to shake and Jax pulled her closer to him. "I need to know Tara... Please."

"After the restraining order went through, I didn't hear from him... Things went back to normal." Tara sighed heavily. "Then I found out I was pregnant... I don't know how it happened but I couldn't keep it." She started crying. "He found out about the abortion and he came to the apartment; thank god Em and Abel weren't home. He barged in screaming at me about killing our child and how we were meant to be together. I told him it was over, that it wasn't a child and that's when he punched me.

Jax held her tighter and let her gather her thoughts.

Tara wiped the tears from her eyes, gaining minimal strength wrapped in Jax's embrace. "I blacked out. When I woke up he was gone. The next day I called Opie and told him we were coming home."

Jax stayed silent, processing Tara's story. He should have killed Agent Kohn; not just his rental car. This man had hurt his wife. The wife that he had let walk away from him; the wife he didn't follow.

"I'm so sorry Jax... I never meant for this to come into the club the way it has. I never wanted to get you in trouble."

"Yes you did." Jax muttered.

Tara pulled out of his embrace. "What?"

"Tara, you're back in Charming because you knew I would do something about this. I would do something the cops couldn't. Am I right?"

"No Jax..." She started; but she had to be honest with herself. It was exactly why she came back. "Maybe I did. I don't really know. All I knew was that I have to keep Emily and Abel safe. They were no longer safe in Chicago. I honestly didn't think he would follow me here." Tara started to cry again. "I'm so sorry Jax. I should never have left..." She finally admitted.

"What?"

"Oh Jax. I was so scared after Abel was shot. I wasn't thinking clearly and I bolted. I thought about coming back to you so many times but time just kept passing and it got harder and harder to make up my mind."

"You took my kids away Tara."

"I know. It was stupid. I was stupid. I left the one place where I felt the safest and look what happened?"

Jax turned away from her. He couldn't believe what she was saying.

Tara sniffled. He wouldn't even look at her. She knew revealing her mistakes who make him hate her. "Jax... I'm not going to leave Charming again, and I understand if you don't want anything to do with me..."

Jax looked back at her, stunned. "You really don't get it do you Tara?"

"Get what?"

"You leaving was both of our mistakes. One big horrible mistake. Maybe you shouldn't have left or maybe I should have followed you. But Tara... I never stopped loving you."

Now it was Tara's turn to be stunned. After all this time, those feeling still raged on inside of them. "What about all the 'dirty skanks'?" Tara had to be sure.

"I'll be honest with you Tara. I slept with my fair share of crow eaters over the last four years. I was a wreck. I couldn't get you out of my head and it was driving me crazy. I missed you so much I just needed... contact." He admitted.

She smiled slightly. She had hurt Jax, and she felt awful. "I missed you too Jax. And deep down I never stopped loving you."

She leaned into him slowly. Jax leaned in as well, tentatively brushing his lips against Tara's softly. Both moaned into the kiss, having it feel better than either imagined.

Jax, without hesitation pushed Tara down on the sofa and got on top of her. "I love you Tara." Jax said between kisses. She tasted so good.

"Say it again." She whispered, wrapping her arms around Jax's neck. Everything about this was so familiar. He smelled so good.

Jax smiled, "You first." He played as his lips trailed down her neck; a neck he had missed terribly.

"I love you Jax."

"I love you too."

KNOCK KNOCK.

Startled, both looked towards the front door.

"Who the hell is that?" Jax asked.

Tara looked at the clock on the wall. "Shit! It's your mother with Emily and Abel. She said she'd drop them off around five." Tara pushed Jax off of her and he landed with a thud on the floor. "Sorry."

"S'ok. I'm having weird teenage flashbacks. When your dad would come home."

"Shut up." Tara got up and tried to fix her hair. Good thing she didn't wear makeup because it would be all over her face.

"You want me to tell her to take the kids one more night? We still have some things to work out here Tara." Jax said seriously. He knew that their talk wasn't completely over. They still needed to figure out what to do with Kohn.

"No. I haven't seen them in two days. I miss them." Tara went for the door. "Hey guys!" She greeted happily. She looked behind her to make sure Jax had gotten himself up off the floor. Emily and Abel rushed in to their mother. "I missed you guys." She said, holding them tight to her.

"We missed you too Mom." Emily answered. "Dad? What are you doing here?"

Jax walked to the door. "Had to help your mom with something." He answered, semi-truthfully. She then stared at his gobsmacked mother.

Gemma couldn't believe her eyes. She saw Jax's messed up hair and Tara's twisted shirt. She smiled. She turned to Tara. "They were great, as always Tara."

Tara smiled at Gemma. She knew Gemma was perceptive and was glad she wasn't prodding; although she was expecting it soon. "Thanks Gemma."

"Anytime. And I'll see you guys at the house tomorrow."

"We'll be there." And with that Gemma walked back to her car. She wanted Jax and Tara to have family time, something they hadn't had together in four years.

"Daddy... Are you staying for dinner?" Abel asked.

Jax looked to Tara. "Don't leave. Stay" She mouthed to him.

"Of course bud. I'll stay for dinner."

END CHAPTER.

A/N: You all asked for it so here it is. It wasn't exactly how in envisioned it but I think it still came out pretty good. There are still a lot of loose ends for Tara and Jax. They may have made out but they are far from figuring their shit out.

Just a heads up... I don't know how often i'll be able to post after this. My Statistics class will be kicking my ass as I get close to 2nd midterm, final project and Final Exam!

Reviews are love!


	13. Chapter 12

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 12

Tara could not believe how relieved she felt after telling Jax about Josh. More so, she could not believe what had transpired on the couch. Making out with Jax on the couch like a horny teenager was like riding a bike. A very delicious bike.

She knew that they still had to deal with Josh, and they still had a lot to talk work out regarding their relationship. They couldn't just say 'I love you' and expect things to go back to normal. Sure they were married and love each other but they had been apart for four years and they had each hurt the other immensely. It would be so easy for them to just pick up where they left off but it would be unfair to Emily and Abel. Tara had to make sure her and Jax were fully committed to each other again before ever thinking about picking up where they left off.

Tara shook her head. She really was not in her right mind to be thinking about her future with Jax. She was exhausted before her and Jax had picked her up; now she was just running on fumes.

She smiled as she watched Emily and Abel run around the backyard with Jax. She had to admit, she missed the house she used to share with Jax. The backyard there had a swing set and a tree house Jax had a couple of prospects put up. It was a home; their home and she missed it.

The doorbell rang and it startled Tara. Jax had heard it and came running inside; his hand poised and ready to pull out his gun.

"Jax, it's probably the pizza guy."

"Not taking any chances. You wait here with the kids. I'll get the door."

Tara nodded and sure enough a couple of minutes later, Jax came into the kitchen with the pizza they had ordered. "Em! Abel! Dinner!" Tara called outside, and then turned to Jax. "Hide that gun." She whispered to him.

Jax nodded and moved his kutte. He knew how Tara had always felt about guns, be he assumed now, with the threat of Josh lurking around, she'd be a little more lenient. Normally she would make him lock it up in a drawer.

SOASOASOASOA

Fourteen Years Ago.

Jax took Tara to their favorite park just outside of Charming. It was completely secluded and with a little luck, Jax thought he could get a little lucky with his girl. It was summer time and while he had every intention of spending time with Tara, but being a full SAMCRO member had cut down on that valuable time. He had just gotten back from a two day run in Nevada and couldn't wait to get her alone.

He had packed up some food for them and now, having finished, were quietly reading under a large, shady tree. "Whatcha reading?" Jax asked Tara, getting bored with the book he was reading. Tara held hers up. "The Jungle huh?" He made his way over to her and lay down beside her. "That book almost turned me vegan." Jax laughed. Sure he was a biker, but he loved to read and he loved that Tara and he could discuss literature on the same level.

"This may sound wrong but it has me craving a big steak."

Jax took this opportunity to moves things along. He grabbed Tara's hand and moved it to his crotch. "I got a porterhouse for you right here babe." He teased.

Tara turned to face him, "you are all class Teller." She joked, although not removing her hand.

Jax took this as a good sign and leaned in to kiss his girlfriend. "I've missed you Tara." He said, kissing her fully on the lips.

"Me too." Tara responded, kissing him back, letting her mouth open so she could feel his tongue caressing hers.

Without breaking contact, Jax moved so he could get on top of Tara. He ran his hands down her sides, grazing her breasts and finally coming to rest at the bottom of her shirt.

"Here?" She asked, breathless.

"Just us carnivores." He answered, coyly.

Tara smiled and let Jax begin to unbutton her shirt. She ran her hands down his hard chest and around to his sides then she found something hard above his waist. "Jax? What's this?"

Jax sighed. "Umm." He reached down and pulled out his gun, showing Tara. She gasped. "Clay got it for me."

"A gun? What the hell do you need a gun for?"

"Club business Tara." He answered truthfully. He took this time to get off of Tara. She was pissed and most likely wouldn't put out now.

"You're sixteen years old Jax! It's illegal for you to have a gun."

"Clay trusts me with it. I've been shooting guns since I was nine."

"Clay trusts that you will be put in a position that might get you killed."

"Tara, it's not like that. You know what SAMCRO does. A sixteen year old carrying a gun when we run guns is hardly out of the ordinary."

Tara sighed. She did know that the Sons of Anarchy ran guns up and down the West Coast. Jax had always been honest with her. "I just didn't think you'd need one. I don't like the thought of you getting hurt while you're out there."

"We need it for protection. Nothing has gone wrong yet but you never know. We have to be prepared."

"I still don't like it."

"I know. But now that I'm SAMCRO, I feel a lot safer having it around."

Tara nodded, staring at the gun. "Can you at least put it somewhere else when I'm trying to feel up my boyfriend so I don't accidentally shoot us?"

Jax laughed. "The safety is on but yes, I will move it so you can feel me up." He took off his kutte and went to put the gun and kutte by his bike. "Now, where were we?"

"I believe you were about to serve me a Porterhouse Teller."

SOASOASOASOA

"Mom, can Dad stay and watch a movie with us?" Emily asked eager to spend more time with both parents at the same time.

Tara looked at Jax who nodded. There was no way he was leaving while Kohn was out there and there was nothing he wanted to do more than spend time with his family. "Sure. Let Abel picked the movie because you picked last time. And put on your PJ's first because you're going to be right after. We have a big day tomorrow."

"Ok." Emily said as her and Abel got up from the table to pick out a movie.

"I'll make some popcorn." Tara said, getting up and clearing the plates.

"I just got to make a quick call." Jax said, getting up and stepping outside.

"David Hale."

"Hale. It's Jax Teller."

"I have to say I'm surprised to be hearing from you Teller."

"Yeah I know. I'm surprised too. But I need your help."

"Ok." He answered skeptically. "With what?"

"That ATF agent that's been lurking around? He's not here for SAMCRO. He's here for Tara."

"What?"

Jax knew of the soft spot David Hale had for his Old Lady and he used to hate it, but now, he had to use it to his advantage. "He's stalking her. It's a long story but can you just dig around a little? Maybe ATF didn't even send him here at all. Tara has a restraining order against him."

"Yeah, ok. I'll see what I can find out."

"Thanks." Jax hung up the phone and went back inside, eager to see his family.

"Everything ok?" Tara asked as she placed popcorn into a couple of bowls.

"Perfect." He answered, heading into the living room with Tara. Emily had already turned out the lights and put the movie in.

"Abel picked 'Despicable Me'" Emily said, sitting on the floor next to her brother as the movie started.

Not to arouse any suspicion from his kids, Jax sat on the lounge chair and let Tara rest on the couch.

By the end of the movie, Tara was fast asleep on the couch. Jax knew how tired she has been at three. Now at eleven, she probably could barely keep her eyes open.

"Hey Em. Abel." He whispered. "Go get ready for bed."

"Ok Daddy."

Jax got up from the arm chair and stretched out before walking over to where Tara was, taking in the luxury of watching her sleep for a few moments. He leaned in and carefully picked her up easily. It had been a while since he had done this but he knew Tara easily weighed a good fifteen pounds less than she had four years ago. Tara slept like a rock and she was tired, an earthquake would not wake her.

He carried her to the bedroom and put her down, covering her with the sheets. He longed to get in next to her. To wrap his arms around her but didn't. They weren't ready for this yet.

After watching her for a bit longer he left the room to get Emily and Abel to bed. When every member of his family was settled, he went back into the living room and settled on the couch for the night.

END CHAPTER

A/N: Ok, ok... I know that I said I wouldn't be able to update for a while but this flew out of me and I had to get it out... Hope you enjoy.

Also, the scene at the park is obviously from 2-03... Which is one of my favorite Tara/Jax episodes EVER! Because... well you know why! Haha.


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Tara… Tara baby, wake up."

Tara opened her eyes and blinked rapidly a few times until she focused on Jax. "Hey." She whispered hoarsely, sitting up in bed. "Did you sleep in here? What time is it?"

Jax laughed, "I slept on the couch and it's already 1030."

"What? Really?"

"You must have been exhausted. It was good that you slept so long." He said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"You could have slept in here." She said softly.

Jax smiled, "its ok." He bent down to kiss her forehead. "I got some things to do before Gemma's party. The kids ate breakfast and they're watching cartoons in the living room."

"Ok, thanks. You do know that Gemma's going to be worse than the Spanish Inquisition right?"

"Just tell her we're working things out."

"Easy for you to say. You're her little prince."

Jax smiled. "Don't worry about her. I'll deal with her later."

"Good luck." She laughed, and then her face turned serious. "We need to talk about yesterday at some point Jax."

Jax hated talking. What guy did? But if talking meant keeping Tara and his kids in Charming, he'd talk to her for as long as she wanted. "I know, we will. I'll see you tonight ok?"

"Ok."

SOASOASOASOA

Twelve Years Ago.

Jax rode into Teller-Morrow Automotive and was surprised to see Tara waiting for him at one of the picnic tables. It was a school day and while Jax had given up with school, Tara had never missed a class.

He parked his bike and walked over to her. "Hey babe. Is everything ok?" He asked. Tara was looking nervous, which was not a good sign.

"Ummm, yes. No… I think so." Tara answered with uncertainty

Jax moved to sit next to her on the table top. "What's going on?"

She didn't say anything but handed him a piece of paper. Jax opened it.

'Dear Ms. Tara Knowles.

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted with a full academic scholarship to the University of California San Diego's advanced placement Medical School Program for the fall semester.'

Jax stopped reading and turned to Tara. "You got in?"

"Yeah." Tara whispered.

Jax got up from the table and held his hand out to Tara. "Babe, that's amazing! I am so proud of you!" He pulled Tara up so he could pull her into a hug. He noticed she wasn't returning his hug with very much enthusiasm. "Hey, are you not happy about this?"

"I was… I am. I really never thought I'd get in, let along get a full scholarship."

"Of course you'd get in. Baby, this is your dream. Be happy."

"My dreams also include you Jax." She said quietly into his kutte. Jax always knew that Tara wanted to be a doctor but they had never really talked about schools Tara would go to. Obviously there were no Medical Schools in Charming. They barely had a high school.

"I can't leave Charming…" Jax said.

"I know that Jax. It would be selfish of me to ask you to come with me."

"And it would be selfish of me to ask you to say."

"I love you Jax." She assured him, tears welling up in her eyes.

He quickly pulled her to him tighter. "Oh baby, I know." He soothed. "San Diego isn't that far..."

"It's seven hours away and I could be there for at least four years and there's no guarantee that I will get a Residency at St. Thomas. It's not a very big hospital and-"

"Tara, calm down ok?" She nodded, taking a deep breath. "We'll figure it out." He kissed her. "You're still tense baby." He noted.

"Jax... It's a long time... and I'd understand if you needed to see other girls."

"Tara, I would never cheat on you. You make me sound like some kind of horn dog."

"Well... If the shoe fits." She teased. She knew Jax would never cheat on her, but a small part of her subconscious just wanted to be sure.

"Well... If I'm such a horn dog, we better get in all the sex we can before you leave in six months." He said, grabbing her by the hand and leading her to his room in the club house.

SOASOASOA

"Tara, glad you're here." Gemma greeted.

Tara looked at her oddly. She was being nice. Too nice. "Uhh, thanks Gemma. Here's the pasta salad."

Gemma took it from her. "Great. I'll go put it in the fridge. Everyone is out back kids. Tara, would you help me in the kitchen?"

Tara rolled her eyes. "Of course." She followed Gemma. "Is Jax here yet?" She really didn't want to have this talk with Gemma without his support.

"No, said he'd be a little late. Had a few things to take care of." Gemma started cutting up some vegetables. "So, did the kids and I interrupt something between you and Jax yesterday?"

"No Gemma. We were just... working things out." Tara tested out the line Jax had given her.

"I'll say."

"Mom, Mom!" Thank god for her kid's bad manners.

"Yes Emily. What is it baby?"

"Grandpa Clay set up this really cool slip and slides outside. Can we get our bathing suits from the car?"

"Sure. I'll go and get them." She answered eager to get away from Gemma.

A couple of hours went by and the party was in full swing. Tara avoided Gemma by sticking close to Donna. Jax still hadn't shown up and she was getting increasingly worried. She knew what he was doing wasn't club business because everyone from SAMCRO was here. Did he go after Kohn? Did Kohn go after him?

"Jackie Boy! Finally!"

Tara looked up to see Jax coming into the back yard. He ignored everyone and walked straight to her. "Can we talk for a minute?"

"Sure." She let Jax lead her inside the house. "Jax, where have you been?"

"Kohn is gone."

"What? Jax, what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything ok? I called Hale last night and had him do a little digging. Kohn wasn't here on an investigation. That was totally bogus. He's in a lot of trouble and he's getting a police escort to the airport. I followed the car myself to make sure."

Tara took a moment to take all of this information in. Jax had actually done something by the book. Got the police involved. She looked up at him. "He's really gone?"

"Yeah baby. He's gone and I am never going to let him hurt you ever again."

Tara stood on her tiptoes to give Jax a kiss. "I love you Jackson Teller."

"I love you too. Now let's really enjoy this party." He grabbed her hand and moved to lead her back outside. Tara let go of his hand. "Something wrong?"

"No... I just... Don't want people to know we're trying to work things out just yet. I want it to be just us for a while."

Jax smiled, "Of course. Whatever you want."

"I just don't want to confuse the kids. I want to be sure this is what we want before getting them involved."

Jax had to admit her words were a little bit of a letdown. He was sure that he and Tara were meant to be and it hurt that maybe she didn't see that yet. "So... How do I get you sure?

Tara smiled. "You tell me."

"How about I take you out on a date tomorrow night?"

"A date? I don't even think we went on a date when we were... dating." She laughed.

"I'm sure I took you out on a date at least once."

"I don't think so."

"Then I better make sure this one is the best."

"I have no frame of reference Teller."

"Alright, alright. I get it. But tomorrow night. You and me. Figuring it out. Ok?"

Tara smiled, "Ok."

END CHAPTER

A/N: Have we seen the last of Kohn?

Also... The flashback really had nothing to do with anything but I liked it so I threw it into this chapter.


	15. Chapter 14

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 14

"Donna, you really don't have to take Emily and Abel tonight."

"It's no problem really. Ellie and Kenny really wanted a sleepover and I was taking them all to the water park tomorrow anyways."

"Well thank you."

"I will be glad though when school starts next month."

"Tell me about it."

Tara leaned into the open back window of the car. "You two be good for Donna ok?"

"Yes mom."

"So, what time do you want them back?" Donna asked.

"Whenever, but can you drop them off here at Gemma's?"

"Oooh. Hot date Knowles?" He friend asked.

Tara smiled, "something like that."

"Well you have fun." Donna said, getting into the front seat. "And tell my husband in there that if he's going to be late to come around the back because the kids will be sleeping in the front living room and with the amount of beers he's had he'll probably step on them."

"Alright, I will." Tara laughed, walking back into Gemma's house.

Everyone was inside now, mostly just club members, hanging around the kitchen. "Hey Ope! Your wife says when you come to later to go around the back."

"Yeah, yeah." He said, taking a swig of his beer.

Tara then made her way over to Jax. "I'm gonna head out now. It's getting late."

"You want me to come with you?" He asked quietly. No one was paying them any attention though.

"No. I'll be fine. I'm still a little drained from yesterday." She smiled at him. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Jax's eyes lit up. "You bet." Tara turned to walk away and he discreetly ran his fingers across her lower back underneath her shirt, caressing her tattoo.

SOASOASOASOA

Thirteen Years Ago

Tara, Jax, Opie and Donna had decided to take Piney's truck and head down to the lake for the day. Summer was almost over and the guys really hadn't seen much of their girls because of SAMCRO business.

Opie and Donna were still goofing around in the lake while Tara and Jax had just gotten out and were drying off in the sun.

Tara ran her fingers across Jax's newest tattoo; his SOA California tattoo. "Did it hurt?" She asked.

He looked at her from his position on his stomach. "Not really. Took a hell of a long time though."

"It looks good on you."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Very sexy." Tara replies, kissing the inked reaper.

"You'd look sexy with a tattoo." Jax's eyes roamed over her bikini clad body. Yeah... A tat would look great on her.

"You think?"

"Hell yeah baby."

"I've always kind of wanted one."

Jax turned his body to face her. He never thought in a million years his girl would want a tattoo. "Would you consider getting the crow?" He asked nervously. It had been something he had been thinking about for a long time.

"Like the one Gemma has?"

"Like the one every Old Lady has."

"A tattoo last forever Jax." Tara mused.

Jax's face fell. "You don't think we're going to be together forever?"

"I dream about it. You and me; getting married, having kids, and growing old together..."

"You do?" He was surprised.

Tara nodded, "Do you?" He didn't answer. Did he really want to sound like a total girl and tell her that he has those same dreams? Those same dreams that both excited and terrified him? "I just want you to be sure Jax."

He caressed her cheek. "I'm sure." That was an easier answer.

"Ok; but I'm not getting it on my tits like your mom."

"Jesus Christ I'd hope not."

They laughed.

"Could I get your name on it Jax?"

"Really? Why?"

"I just want people to know that I'm not just anyone's Old Lady you know?"

Jax smiled. "You're my Old Lady." He said, kissing her. "So, where are you going to get it?"

SOASOASOASOA

For the first time since Tara had come back to Charming, the silence in her house was soothing. She had been on eggshells for too long and it was nice to finally relax. She laughed to herself when she thought of Jax trying to plan a date.

When she had come back Tara never thought that Jax would even want her back. She had taken his kids away from him. Could they really work through all of that?

She went into her bedroom and started to unbutton her top. She looked down at her bedside table. Her iPod. She had been listening to it earlier this morning. It was in her dock station. She turned her head. Another iPod.

The sound of her bedroom door opening startled her. "Hello Tara."

She tried to scream but he was too quick and had her pinned to the floor with a gun held to her head in no time.

SOASOASOASOA

Thirteen Years Ago

"Jax I hate you. What the hell was I thinking?"

"You were thinking you wanted a tattoo. And owww... you're holding my hand a little tight there babe."

"You said it didn't hurt much."

"Well I didn't want to sound like a total pussy."

"Are we almost done?"

"Yeah babe. It's looking really good."

"Well... You'll be the one who sees it the most so as long as you like it."

Jax smiled and leaned down to whisper in Tara's ear. "I can't wait to take you from behind baby."

Tara rolled her eyes.

SOASOASOASOA

Jax decided to leave the party and head home shortly after Tara. His mom was still busy cleaning so he slipped out before she started asking him questions about Tara.

He made his way into his house thinking about where he would take Tara on their date. Their first date actually. What had he gotten himself into?

When he got into the bedroom he used to share with Tara he knew right away that something was amiss. He turned on the light and was shocked by what he saw.

The room had been completely trashed and up against the wall was some kind of sick mural. As Jax walked closer to mural, he noticed the wall was littered with pictures. His anger boiled as he saw pictures of Tara and his kids in Chicago. There were some of Tara naked. One of the pictures was of Tara's bare back; her tattoo had been scratched out of the picture.

"Shit!" Jax said and then quickly bolted out of the house to his bike.

He had to get to Tara.

END CHAPTER

A/N: I would have gotten this up earlier but I was obsessively stalking SOA at comic con!

I am now broke. That is all...

Enjoy


	16. Chapter 15

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 15

"Josh, please put the gun away. If you leave now, I won't call the cops."

"Shut up! Tara, I love you! Don't you see that?" He waved the gun around frantically. "I just want to talk to you." He said, a little more calmly.

"O-ok. That's fine. Let's talk." Tara was terrified but she knew she had to do what he said if she wanted to get through this alive. She cursed herself for not letting Jax come home with her.

"Have a seat Tara." She hated the way he pronounced her name. She sat down on the bed. "Good". Josh grabbed a chair from her desk so he could sit across from her. "I'll start... You hurt me when you left Tara." He stated simply.

Did he want her honest answer? She really didn't know how to play this. "You were scaring me."

"I know. Baby I get that now and I am so sorry."

Did he really think she would take him back after all of this? He was delusional and unbalanced. Tara remembered back to her psych rotation at the hospital. There was no way this was going to end well.

"I'm sorry I scared you and I'm sorry I hurt you...but TarTar, you have to know that that damn tattoo just upset me. I was so jealous."

"I get that Josh but-"

"No! You don't get it! You are mine, not his! You're better than that. Better than some biker's slut!"

Tara cringed at his words. She had to calm him down. "That tattoo was a mistake ok? I was young and I thought I was in love." She lied.

"You're not in love with him?"

"No Josh, I'm not." God she loved Jax so much.

"That's great news TarTar." He patted her knee as if she was some small child. "Any other mistakes you want to own up to before we continue our life together?" Tara was silent. She knew what he wanted her to say but she couldn't. She wasn't about to bullshit all over her right as a woman. She just couldn't. "Tara, you killed our baby." He accused.

"I had an abortion at six weeks. It was never a baby." She told him with a renewed confidence. The woman and doctor in her would never tell him anything different.

He reached out and slapped her hard. It sent her flying back on the bed, causing her to hit her head on the bed post and black out.

"Yes Tara. You made a mistake. Thank you for being honest with me." Josh said, as if only hearing what he wanted to hear. "We should remedy that situation as soon as possible." He said as he unbuttoned his shirt and undid his pants. "I love you TarTar."

SOASOASOASOA

Once Jax got on his bike he broke every speeding law to make the fifteen minute ride to Tara's as fast as she could. A long time ago he had promised that while he was around, he would never let her get hurt again. Not after what her father had done to her.

SOASOASOASOA

Fourteen Years Ago.

"Mom, where is she?"

"Jax, she didn't want me to call you."

"Opie called me."

"She asked him not to tell you either."

"I don't care! Where the fuck is my girlfriend?"

Gemma sighed, "I put her in the guest room. We just got back from the hospital. The police are going to want to talk to her in the morning."

"Shit."

"She's had a rough night baby." In the months after Jax's birthday, Gemma realized that Tara wasn't going anywhere so she had made an attempt to get closer to the girl, and to her surprise, enjoyed having her around.

"Why didn't she call me?"

"She was scared baby. Scared that you'd kill the bastard."

"The thought is crossing my mind."

"Don't do anything stupid Jax. We're going to figure this out the right way. I talked her into filing a police report."

"They take him away and then where does she go huh? Foster care? Those places are bullshit!"

"Baby, calm down... You love her right? I want you to be sure of your answer."

"I love her mom." He replied without hesitation.

Gemma smiled. Her son had it bad. "Ok then, I'll figure it out. You just go be with your girl."

"Thanks." Jax made his way upstairs to his parent's guest room. He opened the door and saw Tara sitting on the bed wearing his sweat pants and SAMCRO shirt. It dwarfed her. She had a cast on her left wrist and was holding an ice pack to her face. "Oh baby." He made his way to her. "What happened?"

"I heard your bike outside... Did Gemma call you? You weren't supposed to be home tonight." She ignored his question.

"Opie called me. Said Gemma had picked you up from his house and was taking you to the hospital." He sat next to her on the bed and took her hand in his. "What happened Tara?"

"Just promise me you won't hurt him?"

"Ok baby, I promise."

"I was in my kitchen studying because it has better light than my room when he came home. This week has been really hard on him and he's been spending more time at the bar than usual."

Jax nodded. He knew that this week had been the anniversary of her mother's death. He had taken Tara to her grave a couple of days ago.

"He was so drunk when he came in. I tried to pack up my books and get up to my room but he stopped me. Started going on about how much I looked like her and how dare I hurt him like that. Why was it her and not me?" She started to cry. He punched me and when I fell he stepped on my wrist. He was a little unsteady and I got out of there as fast as I could... I ran to Opie's."

"How did my mom get involved?"

"Piney called her. He knew I had to go to the hospital for my wrist and knew I'd need an adult to sign some paperwork."

"Tara baby, I am so sorry." He pulled her into his arms.

"It wasn't your fault Jax."

"Yes it was. It's my job to protect you and I didn't... I promise I won't let that happen again."

Tara nodded and yawned, snuggling further into Jax's chest. It had been a long night. She fell asleep feeling the safest she ever had.

That next morning Gemma had gone to pay a visit to Tara's dad. He was alarmingly sober and when told of his daughters injuries that he had caused, he broke down. That was when she gave him a change of custody agreement that would grant Gemma custody of Tara until she turned eighteen. He was skeptical at first but Gemma threatened him with the notion of SAMCRO coming after him.

As Gemma left the house she smiled to herself. This was definitely the right thing to do. She knew by the look in Jax's eyes when he told her he loved Tara.

SOASOASOASOA

Jax slowed his bike about a block away from Tara's house and parked it. If Kohn was there, the last thing he needed was to give away his arrival.

He ran as fast as he could down the block. He grabbed the hidden key in the nearby flower pot and let himself in. He could hear music coming from Tara's bedroom. Maybe he hadn't been here at all.

"Please Josh. Stop! Don't do this!"

Jax ran down the hallway to the bedroom. He only had half a second to take in the sight of his wife, half naked and crying on the bed before a gun was pointed at him.

"Back off Teller. She doesn't want you!" He screamed before shooting Jax in the stomach.

Tara screamed as Jax fell to the floor. "We all knew how this was going to end TarTar."

"Yeah... With you dead." From the floor Jax pulled out his gun and shot Kohn in the head.

END CHAPTER 15

A/N: So Jax saved Tara... but is Jax ok? I liked the idea of Gemma saving Tara from her father just to beef up their back story. They used to be really close.


	17. Chapter 16

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 16

"Jax!" Tara scrambled off the bed; her vision a little blurry from her hit to the head earlier. She could see however that Jax had been shot in the stomach and blood was soaking through his hoodie.

"You ok?" He asked her, short of breath.

Tara nodded. "We have to get you to a hospital."

"Just fix me up Doc."

"DeMint Jax, I can't fix this. Now is not the time to be funny. I'm calling an ambulance. You're going to need surgery," Tara ran to grab her cell phone and towel. She put pressure on Jax's wound and dialed 9-1-1 with her other hand.

"I love you Tara." Jax managed to sputter out.

"Shh… I love you too Jax. So much."

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"

"Yes hello. This is Dr. Tara Knowles. My husband has just been shot…"

Jax smiled as she called him her husband before he succumbed to the massive blood loss and closed his eyes.

SOASOASOASOA

Nine Years Ago

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Tara and Jax both smiled goofily at each other before kissing passionately at the alter. Everyone cheered for the couple.

"Thank you for making me the happiest man alive Mrs. Knowles-Teller." He whispered in her ear. She looked so beautiful in her white gown. They had decided to wait a few months after Emily was born to get married. Tara thought a shot gun wedding was a little tacky.

"Ditto husband." Tara replied before turning her attention to their baby girl; who at five months old was reaching out for Tara while being held in Gemma's arms.

"Hey Em. Now you can have my attention. Mommy was just a little busy getting married." She said as she took her from Gemma's arms.

Gemma made her way over to Jax. "That's all I get? Twenty minutes of her undivided attention." He joked as she watched his wife and daughter lovingly.

"You better get used to that. But I am taking the kid for the next three days so the two of you can enjoy your honeymoon."

"Thank you mommy."

Gemma laughed and gave her son a hug. "Congratulations baby. Your wife looked great up there."

"She always does."

SOASOASOASOA

To say Tara was uncomfortable was a huge understatement. When the paramedics had arrived at her house, she quickly changed and called Donna. She had heard the shots coming from the house but thankfully the kids had already been asleep and weren't woken by the noise. Tara had also called the hospital ahead and made sure there was a surgical trauma team waiting for them when they arrived.

Donna had called Opie who was still at Gemma's with the whole club. Now, seated next to Opie in the surgical waiting room at St. Thomas, all eyes were on her.

Because Jax had shot Kohn dead, there as no need at retaliation and no one had to go anywhere which was hard for the club members. Usually when a brother got hurt, there was always a chance at retaliation. No one from the club was used to this waiting game.

An hour after telling everyone what had happened; she couldn't stand them all staring at her anymore. She knew Jax would be in surgery for a long time and if he survived it would be hours before anyone would get a chance to see him.

"I need some air." She muttered before leaving the waiting room.

She made her way to the neonatal floor, checking on a few of her post-op patients. All of them were recovering well; it was a welcome distraction. She finally found herself at the familiar window, looking at all the healthy newborns. She smiled as one of them yawned.

"Peaceful here huh?"

Tara turned her head and saw Gemma. "I just couldn't sit in there anymore."

"I know baby. I've been looking all over for you. The police want to talk to you."

"Umm, ok." Tara answered, hands shaking.

Gemma noticed how unsteady Tara seemed to be. "They can wait a little longer." Gemma put her arm around her daughter-in-law.

Tara looked at her, tears filling her eyes. "Gemma, I am so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen." She cried.

Gemma pulled Tara in for a hug. "I know you didn't baby. Shhh… He'll be ok."

"I don't know what I'd do without him." Tara cried into her shoulder. "God, there was so much blood."

Gemma tensed. Tara was a doctor and her words made her sound very unoptimistic. She continued to sooth Tara. Gemma could break down later, but right now her daughter-in-law needed her.

SOASOASOASOA

A half hour later, Gemma led Tara back to the waiting room where two officers from the Sheriff's department as well as Chief Unser were waiting for her.

"Dr. Knowles… If we could have a few words?" One of the officers asked. Tara nodded and led them into an adjacent office from the waiting room.

Gemma watched her go into the office, remembering the day when Tara had been sixteen and doing pretty much the same thing with regards to her father. The poor girl had really rotten luck with men in her lives. The only one good to her was fighting for his life somewhere in this hospital.

"She gonna be ok?" Clay asked from inside the waiting room.

Gemma nodded and made her way over to her husband. "As long as Jax will be ok… She'll be ok." She sat next to him against his muscular frame. She turned her attention to the rest of the club. "You guys should really head home. We'll call if there is any news."

"We'd be doing the same thing there." Juice said shrugging and making himself more comfortable in one of the chairs.

"Yeah, we're not going anywhere." Chibbs added.

Gemma nodded. These guys truly were her family.

"How did we not know this guy was after the Doc?" Tig asked with a little outrage. Tara was family, and he was pissed she had gotten hurt without SAMCRO knowing about it.

"I don't think she realized how much of a fucking nut job he actually was." Clay offered.

"She obviously told Jax." Gemma added. "And I think Emily knew something."

"What?"

"The kids accidentally brought him up once and Emily shut down on me when I asked her about him."

"That's unlike her." Clay said and everyone around agreed.

"Thank god they weren't home." Gemma said, tears finally filling her eyes. "This could have been so much worse."

The door opened and Tara came back into the waiting room. "What did they say?" Opie asked, making room so Tara could sit next to him again.

"It was self defense. Josh shot first. There shouldn't be any charges laid." Tara ran her hands through her hair, obviously frazzled. "They've uhh… just removed his body from the house."

"We'll get someone to clean it all up." Clay said.

Tara nodded. Of course they had people to clean up bloody murder scenes.

"Dr. Knowles?" Everyone turned to the door.

"Dr. Lennox." Tara greets the Trauma surgeon.

"If I could talk to you in private?"

"They're all family." She replied without hesitation. Everyone else got up and stood behind Tara.

A bit intimidated, the surgeon spoke. "As you know, Jackson had significant blood loss when he was brought in. Anesthesia had quite the time trying to stabilize him; but they did."

Everyone let out a breath they had been holding.

"There was a substantial tear to the spleen so we did remove it but he should make a full recovery. My team is just closing him up now but he'll be pretty out of it until sometime this afternoon. I don't expect him to wake up before then. I'll send someone to take you to him when we are all done."

"Thank you Dr. Lennox."

"No problem. All the best."

After he left, Tara and Gemma cried tears of joy as the club moved to comfort them. Tara looked at her watch. Five-thirty in the morning.

"Hey Ope… Can you please check on the kids? I'm sure Donna has been up all night worrying. Don't tell the kids anything yet. Let them enjoy their day. I'll call Donna a little later and maybe she could bring them by tonight."

"Of course." He hugged Tara and left.

"Tara baby, we're going to head home for a couple of hours and come back later ok?"

"You don't want to see Jax first?" She asked, shocked that Gemma wasn't her usual overbearing self. Normally she would bowl Tara over to get at Jax.

"You go be with your husband. He needs you now, not me."

Tara nodded as Gemma leaned in for a hug. "Don't ever leave us again young lady." She whispered in her ear.

Tara smiled and wiped at her tears. "Never again."

END CHAPTER

A/N: So he's ok. And Kohn is out of the picture…. The legal way.

Once again I have written this quickly while at work so shhhhh.. Don't tell my boss! Haha. Thanks!


	18. Chapter 17

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 17

When Jax was finally brought in the Recovery Room he looked nothing like Tara's tough biker husband. He looked fragile. She hated that this had happened because of her. Jax had never been seriously injured in his life and last night he had almost died; and it wasn't even club related.

With tears in her eyes and a guilt ridden conscious, she sat next to Jax and took his hand. Hours went by and no one bothered her, mainly because Tara was a doctor and if something went wrong, she'd know right away.

She passed the time watching Jax's cardiac monitors but her mind couldn't help but wander to the last time she had a family member in the hospital. The last time had made her run away scared and now this time; she was staying right where she was.

Finally, at around the fourth hour, Tara had finally been lulled to sleep by the beeping of the monitors.

SOASOASOASOA

Four Years Ago

"Here you go little man. I found you about three lime Jell-O's" One of the nurses said, handing Abel a few bowls of jell-o.

"Thanks Katie." Tara thanked the nurse. "Say thank you Abel."

"Thanks." He answered, his mouth already full of the green dessert.

"Is it good baby?" Abel nodded.

There was a knock on the door and Gemma came in holding Emily. "Mommy!" Gemma let her down and Emily ran to Tara. "I missed you mommy. I was so scared. Grandma Gemma said I had to wait to see you."

Tara held her five year old tight. After the day they'd had, it was nice to have her two kids beside her. "Oh baby girl... It's ok now." She tried to soothe her. "I'll bet you were very brave though."

"The bravest five year old I know." Gemma said with a smile.

"Want some of my Jell-O Emmy?" Abel asked his sister from his hospital bed.

Emily nodded and Tara picked her up and put her in the big bed next to Abel. "You two stay here and watch some TV. I'm going to go and talk to Grandma Gemma."

Tara led Gemma out into the hallway, making sure she could see Emily and Abel through the window.

"Where's Jax?" Gemma asked.

"Where do you think he is Gemma?" Both knew he was tracking down whoever had opened fire at the park.

"I agree he should be here with his family, but he needs to do this."

"No normal person should have to do this Gemma." She whispered harshly. "My son could have died today." Angry tears filled her eyes. "I can't do this anymore."

Gemma eyed her daughter-in-law skeptically. "What does that mean?"

Tara shook her head. She couldn't do this now. Having that conversation with Jax was hard enough. Just because they were in a hospital didn't mean Gemma wouldn't freak out on her when she told her she was taking the kids and leaving Charming. "Nothing, never mind. Would you stay with them for about an hour so I can grab a shower and change?"

"Of course. Listen to me Tara... You chose Jax... and you chose this club ok?"

Tara nodded. "You love the man... You learn to love the club." She muttered the quote before walking away from Gemma.

SOASOASOASOA

"Tara?"

Tara opened her eyes and was met with the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen. "Jax?"

He groaned. "Hey baby. We're going to have to postpone out date."

She smiled through her tears. "I am so glad you're awake Jax." She said, taking the time to check his vitals.

"Hey... I'm fine." Jax noticed her nervousness.

She started to cry. "I'm so sorry Jax."

He reached out to her, his hand caressing her cheek. "None of this was your fault ok?" He turned her head so he could look her in the eye. "Ok?"

Tara nodded. "I just keep thinking about what would have happened if you hadn't shown up."

"Don't think about that. It's over now."

"I love you Jax."

"I love you too."

A few minutes went by before Jax spoke again. "You called me your husband."

"What?"

"When you called the ambulance... You called me your husband." Jax smiled.

Tara couldn't help but smiled when Jax did. It was infectious. "You will always be my husband Jax. The father of my kids. My Hero. I love you."

Jax closed his eyes. "Just please don't leave me again. I don't think I could take it baby."

"I won't, I promise. It might take some time to get back to where we were... But I want to get back to where we were. I really do."

"Good. And when I get out of here... We're still going on that date."

"Can't wait."

END CHAPTER

A/N: Just a little chapter to get you through the week while I study for exams. Hope you like.


	19. Chapter 18

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 18

"When can I get out of here Doc?" Jax asked from his new home, his hospital bed. "I'm going stir crazy in here."

"It's only been three days Jax." Tara said. She was in her scrubs, visiting him on her lunch break. She had been with him everyday since he came out of surgery.

"You are healing very nicely Mr. Teller. If I know you have some support at home, I could let you go home later this afternoon." Dr. Lennox said, flipping through Jax's chart.

Both Tara and Jax looked at each other. This was something that they hadn't talked about. The day after Jax was shot, Clay got some prospects to tear up the carpeting in Tara's bedroom and she was able to return to the house with Emily and Abel that night.

"Don't worry Dr. Lennox. He'll have plenty of support at home." Tara said.

"Great. I'll get started on your discharge papers right away."

After Dr. Lennox left Jax turned his attention back to Tara. "I have plenty of support at home do I?" He asked playfully.

Tara smiled. "I'm sure Gemma will be more than happy to move in for a while." She joked.

"That's not funny."

"Don't worry Jax. The kids and I will stay at the house for a little but until your back on your feet. You're not going to be able to do the stairs anyways so you'll have to sleep downstairs. Emily and Abel will love it." She gave him a quick kiss. "I gotta go baby. I have surgery in twenty minutes. I'll take you home after that."

Jax nodded and smiled. At least he got Tara back into the house. Now all he had to do was think of a way to keep Tara at the house… their house.

SOASOASOASOA

ELEVEN YEARS AGO

"Are your eyes still closed?"

"Yes Jax, they are… But considering I'm only in town until Sunday night I really didn't want to spend the time with my eyes closed if you know what I mean." Tara replied teasingly.

"Well, we're here now. Open your eyes."

Tara opened her eyes and looked around. "We're in the middle of the sidewalk Jax."

Jax rolled his eyes. "Look a little harder baby."

They were standing in front of a house with a SOLD sign on the front lawn. It was a beautiful two-story white house. Tara took it all in, a little confused. She turned to Jax. "Did you buy this place?"

Jax nodded, came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "For us."

She turned in his arms. "Really?"

"Yeah. It's a lot better than the clubhouse or my mom's house."

"But I'm never here. I'm always in San Diego." She said sadly. She had been away at school for a year and every time she came home it was harder and harder to leave Jax behind.

"The house will wait for you. It just went on the market and I wanted to get it before someone else did." Jax smiled. "Do you like it?"

Tara smiled back at Jax. "You're really cute when you're nervous baby." She jumped into his arms. "I love it. It's beautiful."

Jax's eyes lit up. "C'mon, I'll show you the inside… It's got three bedrooms on the second floor and a den on the first and a huge backyard-"

"You trying to tell me something Teller?"

"Just thinking of the future baby." He said, kissing her.

"I love you."

"I love you too. C'mon. Let's christen some of the rooms." Tara laughed as Jax carried her into their new house.

SOASOASOASOA

"Hey baby."

"Hey Ma. Where are the kids?"

Gemma walked into Jax's room and took a seat in one of the many chairs that accumulated next to his bed. Last night SAMCRO had church in there. "They're with Donna. Apparently she's more fun that this shit hole."

"I hear that. I'm getting sprung in a couple of hours though."

"What? Really?" Jax nodded. "Who's going to stay with you?"

"Uhh… Tara offered. She and the kids are going to stay until I'm back on my feet."

Gemma raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah Ma, really."

"So you two trying to work things out? Gonna play house and hopefully everything goes back to normal?"

"Jesus Christ. Why do you have to be such a downer huh? I'm trying to put my broken family back together."

"I know you are Jax. I just don't want to see you hurt again. You remember what you were like when Tara left the first time. Now you've killed the evil boyfriend… How do you know she's not going to leave again?"

"She's now. I know she's not. You should be happy about this."

Gemma sighed, "I am happy baby. You know that; and you know how much I love Tara and the kids." She kissed her son on the cheek. "I'm glad you're getting out of here."

"Me too."

SOASOASOASOA

FOUR YEARS AGO

"Where's Tara?"

Jax looked up at his mother, his eyes red and blood shot. Gemma had been looking for her son all day. She finally found him on the rooftop of Teller-Morrow. "She's gone."

"What? What do you mean she's gone?"

"She took the kids and went to Chicago." Jax whispered, taking another swig of the beer he had dangling between his fingers. There were about ten others strewn around the rooftop. "What happened to Abel freaked her out. She told me at the hospital she was leaving but I didn't believe her. Thought she just need some time to calm down."

"Jax, she can't do this. You are Abel and Emily's father. That little bitch has to bring them back. Make her bring my grandchildren back."

"Don't call Tara a bitch." Jax said stiffly. "I let her go… Maybe she's right. This place…" He gestured to the clubhouse, "was no place for me to raise my family."

Gemma stayed silent, a hatred slowly building for Tara; the young girl she had thought of as a daughter since she was sixteen. She pulled out a joint, lit it, took a drag, and handed it to Jax.

SOASOASOASOA

"Dr. Knowles, there is someone waiting for you in your office." One of the nurses told Tara as she pulled off her mask, gloves and gown when she exited the Operating Room.

"Ok, thank you." Tara made her way to her office. Opening the door she saw Gemma sitting at her desk. "Hey Gemma."

"Hello Tara. I just saw Jax. Hear he's getting out today."

"Yeah. He's been healing rather quickly. It's great news."

"I also hear he's going to have his own live in doctor." Gemma said, leaning back in Tara's chair.

"Do you have something to say Gemma?"

"Actually yes; I do. I am glad you and the kids are back in Charming and I am happy that you and Jax and working your shit out but… The club hasn't changed Tara. It's still the same hell hole you left."

"But I've changed Gemma. I was wrong to leave. My family and I belong here. In Charming and in SAMCRO." She said with certainty.

Gemma smiled. Back was the tough daughter she knew and loved, as well as helped raise. "Well alright then." She stood from the chair and walked to Tara. "Let's get my boy out of here."

END CHAPTER.

A/N: Screw final exam studying… Haha


	20. Chapter 19

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 19

"Home sweet home." Tara said as Juice and Opie helped Jax into the house and set him down on the couch.

"I should be saying that to you." Jax said softly. He loved that his family would be under one roof again; hopefully for longer than what Tara had planned.

Tara smiled at him. No doubt she wanted things back the way they were; but diving in head first was probably not the best idea. Both had changed a lot in four years and that chance that they were no longer compatible gnawed at Tara.

"Anything else you need brother?" Opie asked.

"Nah... I think I'm all taken care of here." He made a point of looking over at Tara.

"Alright, make sure you give him a hard time doc." Juice said.

"I always do."

After Opie and Juice left, Jax spoke, "So... what now?"

"Now... You rest."

"But I'm not even tired." He whined.

Tara smiled and took two pills out of a prescription bottle. "You will be after these." She handed him the pills. "Plus, the kids will be back in a couple of hours and they won't let you sleep later."

Jax took the pills and downed them. "This is going to be good Tara. You, me, Em and Abel."

Tara sat down on the couch next to him. "We'll see."

"What has you so scared? Kohn is gone; we both said we fucked up when you left... I want us to work this out. We belong together."

Tara nodded slowly. She agreed with everything he was saying. "I just don't want you and me to get back together and have us not like the people we've become over the past four years."

Jax yawned, the pills already kicking in. He turned to Tara, "I know in my heart that I'm going to love you no matter what but if you want we can take the time to get to know each other again." He yawned again. "I just don't want you and the kids to go anywhere..."

"Ok Jax. That sounds good... We'll get to know each other another time." Tara got up from the couch to let him stretch out. "You need your rest". She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.

"What are you going to so while I sleep?" He asked, eyes already closed.

"I don't know. Clean up a bit. Read."

"The cleaning supplies are in the same place." Jax said.

Tara laughed, "I'm sure they're the same ones I bought four years ago."

SOASOASOASOA

Nine Years Ago

"Home sweet home."

"Feels good to be back." Tara said, walking into the home she shared with her fiancé for the first time with their new addition.

Jax set the baby carrier on the table and looked at his sweet little baby girl. "And home sweet home to you too little one."

"Two days old and she's already got you wrapped around her little finger."

Jax took Emily's tiny finger in his hands. "She sure does. God help us when she figures that out." He agreed. "Daddy's little princess." He whispered.

Tara smiled at the father-daughter interaction. Jax would give Emily the moon if he could. Ever since he first held her minutes after she was delivered Tara saw how in love with his little girl he was. Tara took the time to look around the house. "No Gemma? I thought her and the club would all be here."

Jax smiled. "I told her we wouldn't be home for another four hours." He walked towards Tara and wrapped his arms around her.

"So, we have about two hours of peacefulness." She joked. She loved Gemma, she really did, but ever since Emily was born Gemma was planning her coming home party.

"Thought we'd get Emily all settled before the craziness begins." He kissed Tara.

"You're perfect you know that?" Jax nodded playfully and Tara smacked him lightly on the chest. "Four months is going to go by so fast." She whispered, looking at their little girl, who was snoozing in her carrier.

"I know baby... But you need to go back to school. We talked about this."

"I know, I know... It seemed easy when we talked about it but now... "

"She's here and she's perfect."

"Just like her Daddy."

"And Mommy." Jax said. "Doctor Mommy." He corrected.

"I love you Jax."

"I love you too Tara." He stroked Emily's cheek, "and we love you too Emily."

"You are so whipped."

"Not a bad place to be."

SOASOASOASOA

"Daddy! Welcome home." Emily said, rushing over to her father.

"Em be careful, Dad is still healing." Tara warned.

Emily climbed up on the couch to sit next to her father. "It's good to see you princess." Jax said, giving his daughter a kiss on the head.

"Yeah, it's better seeing you here than at the hospital." Emily said.

Tara watched from a distance. The last time Emily had been at St. Thomas was when Abel was shot.

"I know. I didn't like being there either. But I'm home now."

"And mommy's home too." Abel said, sitting on the other side of Jax.

Jax looked to Tara "Yeah baby... Mommy's home too." Tara said, ruffling her son's hair. "I thought I'd make Taco's for dinner."

"Yay! My favorite." Emily said.

"Mine too." Jax said.

"Taco's it is then." Tara disappeared into the kitchen.

"Daddy... Are we really going to be a family again?" Emily asked Jax.

"I'm working on it Princess. I just need your guys help convincing Mom."

"We'll help." Abel said, turning on the TV to some cartoons.

"Yeah Daddy, we'll help."

Jax smiled. He had the best kids in the world.

END CHAPTER


	21. Chapter 20

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 20

"Jax, why are there suitcases all over the living room?" Tara asked, dropping her purse and briefcase on the floor.

Jax smiled. He was really getting used to having his wife come home to him after work every day. He got up and motioned to the luggage. "You said that you wanted to take the kids to San Francisco and I know that you have four days off so..." He trailed off, thinking that maybe his idea may not have been a good one.

"Jax... I wasn't planning on going after everything that's happened... Is that your suitcase?" She noticed an old black leather Harley Davidson bag she knew to be Jax's.

"Well, yeah... I mean... I thought..."

Tara smiled. Flustered Jax, who rarely showed himself, was super cute. It had been four weeks since his surgery and while Tara continued to contemplate going back to her house, but she was still in no rush. Maybe this was the perfect thing to help her figure out what she was going to do with the rest of her life.

"Jax, I think it sounds great." She walked over to him. "I think it's just what we need." She wrapped her arms around his neck. As affectionate as they wanted to be with each other over the last four weeks, it was only when the kids weren't around that they were. Jax still stayed in the guest room and it was only a cuddle here and a quick kiss there but right now it worked for them.

"A family vacation." Jax grinned like an idiot. "Emily! Abel! Your mom said yes!" He yelled. Moments later their kids came running into the living room from the backyard. Jax and Tara took that time to pull apart from each other.

"Yay!" Emily said, "Mom, there's a huge Disney store there we should go to."

"Yeah, and I want to go to Alcatraz... and the Zoo!" Abel said excitedly.

"You two knew about this?" Tara asked and they nodded. "Now they can keep secrets." She muttered to herself. "Well, as long as I get to Bloomingdales for a couple of hours we can do whatever you guys want."

"Yay!" Both Emily and Abel cheered and ran back outside.

"Bloomingdale's huh?" Jax asked.

"What can I say? You're married to a woman with expensive taste Teller."

Jax moved closer to Tara again. She was mentioning the fact that they were married more and more, which gave him hope that the suitcases he packed for his kids might actually get unpacked back in their house. "You spent way too much time in the big city."

"Tell me about it." She quickly kissed him on the lips. "I can't wait Jax. We haven't been to San Francisco in at least ten years."

"Almost twelve." Jax corrected. "You and I went up on my bike before you left for school."

Tara smiled, remembering the trip. "And we stayed at that crappy Motel."

"But it was right across the street from Golden Gate Park."

"The sunset there was so beautiful."

"Yeah. But I got us a nicer place to stay this time. Downtown... I think it's even close to Bloomingdale's."

"Well, you are all class aren't you Teller?"

"Just you wait." He said suspiciously.

SOASOASOASOA

Almost Twelve Years Ago...

"God I love this city." Tara said, leaning into Jax as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. They were having a late picnic in Golden Gate Park, watching the sunset over the Golden Gate Bridge.

Jax kissed the side of her neck. "Better than beautiful Charming?" He joked. Tara laughed. Lately, any city was better than Charming.

"I like it better than San Diego that's for sure." Tara said sadly. In less than a month she'd be heading there for school... without Jax.

Jax held her tighter. "You're going to be great Tara. I am so proud of you Doc."

"It's going to be weird. We've been practically living together for almost two years."

"I know. I think even Gemma's going to miss you."

"Yeah right."

"Seriously Tare... She thinks of you as the daughter she never had."

Tara turned in Jax's arms. "Let's not talk about San Diego, Charming, Gemma, or anything else but us right now ok?"

Jax kissed her. "Just you and me... stopped in time?"

Tara nodded and turned again to watch the sunset with the man she loved more than anything else in the world.

SOASOASOASOA

Jax wasn't kidding when he said that he was all class before they left for San Francisco. He had booked the family in a huge suite at a Sheraton. Tara had shared a bedroom with Emily and Jax had shared with Abel. In their first two days they had done everything the kids wanted. The Zoo, Alcatraz, Fisherman's Wharf and of course, the Disney store. It had been nice, like a real family on a real vacation.

On the third day, Tara woke up to silence, which was uncommon. She turned in the bed she was supposed to be sharing with her two kids and found a note on the pillow.

'Tara,

I had Elyda take the bus and pick up the kids and take them home in the car. She'll drop them off with Gemma. I thought that we could spend the last day together just us. I have some things to do this morning, so I want you to go to Bloomingdale's and buy something nice for tonight. I'll meet you in the lobby at 1130 for lunch.

Your Husband,

Jax'

Tara smiled. "All class." She said out loud to herself. She quickly got out of bed with an extra bounce to her step, eager to start her day. Just his note alone was almost enough to keep her at their house.

END CHAPTER

I am back everyone. But unfortunately not for long. School starts up again and I got last minute acceptance into the nursing program starting in just two weeks! So I have loads to do before I start.

Hope you enjoy this chapter... Finally a date!


	22. Chapter 21

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 21

"So, what are you looking for today?"

Tara smiled at the lady in Bloomingdales. "I'm not really sure. My husband and I are here on vacation and he told me to get something nice for the rest of the day." She said, sounding like a giddy teenager.

"Well then. Sounds like you'll need something casual for the afternoon and a nice cocktail dress for the evening. Possibly some new shoes? Maybe some new lingerie?"

Tara grinned. Damn, this girl was good. "Lead the way. I am in your capable hands."

SOASOASOASOA

Jax was nervous. He had come back to the hotel before Tara and was waiting for her in the lobby dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a button up blue shirt.

At exactly eleven-thirty the elevator doors opened and Tara walked out. She looked beautiful in a tailored pair of black Capri pants, a white sleeveless top and a dark jean jacket. Jax really had to let her shop at Bloomingdales more often. Her hair was tied up, probably because she knew she'd be on the back of Jax's bike. She still wore minimal makeup, just the way Jax liked it.

"You look beautiful."

"Not too bad yourself Teller... Now tell me, how did you get our kids out of the hotel so quietly this morning? They don't do anything quietly."

"They knew how important today was." Jax answered.

"You're being very mysterious Jax."

Jax just smiled. "We better get going. Don't want to miss our reservation." He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before they went to Jax's bike, both eager to start their day together.

SOASOASOASOA

Jax had driven them over the Golden Gate Bridge and into Sausalito where they had lunch at an amazing seafood restaurant on the water over-looking the San Francisco skyline.

"This place is amazing Jax. How did you find it?"

"I know how to use a computer. I'll admit I did a little research."

Tara smiled. "That's sweet Jax."

"I just wanted everything to be perfect." He said nervously.

Tara reached across the table and took his hands in hers. "It is perfect Jax." Tara closed her eyes momentarily and saw a 'For Sale' sign on her dad's old house.

SOASOASOASOA

After lunch and a short walk around the Sausalito pier, they rode back over the Golden Gate Bridge and into Tara's favorite place, Golden Gate Park.

They stayed there all afternoon just enjoying each other's company. It reminded Tara of when they were teenagers and they could spend hours in a park just sitting on a blanket in each other's arms.

"Tara... I don't want you to move out of the house again." He said, his fingers playing with her hair.

"Ne neither." Tara whispered.

"Really?" He had to make sure he was hearing all of this right.

"Really Jax. I'm not going to run again. I know SAMCRO will always be a part of us and that doesn't scare me anymore."

Jax leaned in to kiss Tara. "I love you Tara... I can't wait for us to be a family again."

"I love you too."

"The kids will be thrilled."

"All a part of your master plan huh?"

"Yup."

SOASOASOASOA

"Tara... Baby you look stunning."

Tara blushed. After their afternoon Jax took them back to the hotel. He had made a reservation for them to have dinner at the restaurant on the top floor of their hotel. One of the fanciest in the city.

Jax continued to stare at Tara. She was wearing the most beautiful navy blue strapless dress that ended just above her knees. She was also a good four inches taller in her matching heels. Her hair was down now and fell in waves past her shoulders.

Jax stood and gave her a kiss. "Since when do you own a suit?" Tara commented on the black suit he was wearing.

"A man can shop and this Bloomingdale's place too you know?"

"Well, you look very sexy." She leaned in to kiss him again. "You know... I've already said yes to staying at the house..." She trailed off, playing with the lapels of his suit jacket. "We could just stay here... Order room service."

Jax groaned at the thought. As beautiful as his wife looked right now, she'd look even better naked, writhing underneath him. It took everything he had to pull her away. "As totally, amazingly perfect that sounds; I still have one more question for you... And I'm going to ask it over dinner."

"So, the mysteriousness continues?" Tara asked with narrow eyes.

Jax smiled, "Only for another couple of hours." He held out his hand and together they made their way to the elevators.

SOASOASOASOA

"This view is amazing Jax."

"I thought you'd like it."

"I love it."

"I love you." Jax knew he was going to win the 'Worlds corniest husband award' and if anyone at home saw him acting like this he'd be deemed a pussy for life but he didn't care. Being miles away from Charming allowed him to be this guy.

"I love you too."

Jax took a deep breath. "Tara, you have to know how heartbroken I was when you left. I was so lost and I never want to lose you or the kids like that again."

"Jax-"

He cut her off. "I'm going to fix SAMCRO... I promise. And I know you said that it didn't scare you anymore, but it scares me." Tara stayed silent this time, "it may take some time but I'm going to get the club out of all the illegal shit we've been doing and I want you and the kids by my side."

Jax pulled a small box out of his pocket. "I know we are still married but I don't want us to just move on from what's happened; I want us to start over." He opened the box to reveal her wedding ring. The one she had thrown at him after Abel had been shot. "Tara Knowles, will you marry me... Again?"

Tara looked at Jax with tears in her eyes, "Yes Jax. I will marry you again."

Jax leaned over the table and gave Tara and kiss while placing her wedding ring back where it belonged.

"Was that your last question?" Tara asked him, sipping the last of her wine.

"Yes, that was the last one."

"So I have one... maybe we should order dessert from our room?"

"Best question of the night."

END CHAPTER


	23. Chapter 22

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 22

"Love me Jax."

"For the rest of my life."

Tara smiled, remembering the night she had spent with Jax yesterday.

She closed her eyes and remembered the way he trailed his lips down her throat.

Being with Jax again was like riding a bike; a very delicious bike. They fit so perfectly together; like they were made for each other.

She was brought out of her thoughts by Jax coming back into their hotel room, "Hey baby. I got Half Sack driving out luggage back to Charming so we can take the bike."

"Gotta love those prospects." Tara said, giving Jax a kiss on the lips.

"I remember Juice getting a lot worse than that."

"We were pretty hard on him weren't we?"

"Made him a better son."

"Washing the Cutlass made Juice a better outlaw biker?" Both Jax and Tara laughed.

"So... You ready to re-start our lives?"

"Hell yes." She kissed him. "I can't wait." She kissed him again. "Now take me home."

"With pleasure."

SOASOASOASOA

Jax had every intention of stopping just outside of Charming for a romantic lunch but as they slowed into the park, Jax's cell phone went off.

"Yeah."

"Brother, we got a problem."

"Where?"

"We're at the clubhouse, but we gotta roll out quick. Mayans crashed our Niner delivery."

"Shit. Alright Ope. We'll be there in twenty minutes."

"We?"

"Yeah, I'm with Tara." Jax looked to her and smiled apologetically.

"Really?"

"Yeah... We will be there soon." Jax hung up the phone."

"Something wrong?" Tara asked, although already knowing the answer.

"I don't really know yet... But I got to get back... I'm so sorry baby."

Tara placed her hand on his cheek and gave Jax a kiss. "No more sorries."

SOASOASOASOA

"So... I see you and my son have finally figured your shit out." Gemma asked with her usually bitchy tone. She motioned to the wedding ring that re-adorned Tara's left hand.

"Yeah. We did."

"Well good... You better glue that thing to your god damned finger."

"Don't worry Gemma. It's never coming off again. I love Jax." Gemma smiled slightly. "And I love you too Gemma."

Gemma turned away from Tara, refusing to believe her words.

Tara placed her hand on Gemma's shoulder. "It's true. You're like a mother to me. You took me in when I had no where to go... When my dad hurt me. You saved me Gemma."

Gemma turned to face Tara; tears in her eyes. "You know you hurt me too when you left."

"I know... And I am sorry I kept you from your grandkids."

"Not just them... I missed you too."

Tara smiled. "Come on... Our guys should be back soon." Tara said, motioning for Gemma to follow her out of the clubhouse.

SOASOASOASOA

"Tara, we're going to need your help." Jax said while getting out of the black van, helping an injured Opie out.

"Jesus Ope. What the hell happened?" Tara came rushing over to a limping Opie. She couldn't help but look to Jax first, making sure he had no injuries.

"Took a knife in the thigh." Jax explained. Once they moved under some light, Tara could see the large switchblade still stuck in Opie's leg.

"This time I remembered not to pull it out." Opie laughed.

"Yeah well, I think there is still blood on the ceiling from that one." Tara said. "Donna is going to kick your ass Ope."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

They got Opie inside and Tara got started working on the injury.

"I hear you and Jax are back together." Opie said once he was alone with Tara.

Tara smiled at her long time friend. "Yeah, we are."

"That's great." Opie said, wincing as Tara pulled out the knife. "We really missed you around here."

"Thanks Ope. You always were one of my best patients."

"Well... Honestly, you are a lot better at this than Chibbs."

Tara laughed as she continued to clean out Opie's wound.

"He gonna live Doc?"

Tara looked up and smiled at Jax. "He'll be good as new. I mean, Donna might kill him but his leg is fine."

All three friends laughed. Jax leaned down and whispered in Tara's ear. "Happy first day home."

"You got that right." Tara muttered.

END CHAPTER


	24. Chapter 23

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 23

"So... I was thinking for Christmas we get the kids a dog."

Tara turned from her position between Jax's legs on the couch and put down her book. "Are you serious?"

Jax laughed. "Yeah... I mean, the kids are getting older. A little responsibility would be for them. Plus, it would be good to have a guard dog."

"Ok fine... But when they lose interest it's going to be you cleaning up after it and taking it for walks."

Jax wrapped his arms around his wife and kissed her cheek. "No problem. I love dogs."

Tara shook her head and kissed Jax. "You are a dog."

"Woof."

"This is going to be a Christmas present for you more than Emily and Abel isn't it?"

"Woof." Came Jax's playful reply.

"Down boy."

The couple laughed. It had been three months since Tara and the kids had officially moved back into their home and things had been going great.

Emily and Abel were thriving at school, Tara was enjoying her work at St Thomas immensely and Jax and the club, for the most part, hadn't had any serious trouble. Even things between Gemma and Tara were considerably better.

"So, what are your plans for tomorrow?"

"I'm on call but if nothing comes in I am going to have lunch with Donna. Her and Opie have been having a bit of trouble. She just needs someone to talk to."

"No wonder the guy has been so moody lately."

"She thinks Ope's having an affair."

"What? No way. Clay has just been riding him a little hard since he's been out of jail. Wants to make sure he's still a part of the team."

"Maybe tell Clay to cool off a bit? The guy needs to spend done time with his wife and kids."

"Yeah, that would go over well. Don't worry, he'll lay off. We just got a few things we need to tie up."

"Ok... You know I would kill you if you were having an affair right?"

"I know. Worse than the dog house."

"You got that right. I mean, I know about the clubs road rules but..."

"Those aren't rules I follow Tara. Ok?" Tara nodded. "I love you."

Tara smiled. She shouldn't have let her insecurities get the better of her. "I know. And I love you too."

SOASOASOASOA

"C'mon Donna. I'm sure Opie would be thrilled if you stopped by the garage."

"I hate going over there."

"Jax said they didn't have any club business today. It's just Teller-Morrow Automotive. Don't tell me you don't want to see your man all sweaty working on a car."

"Fine."

Tara smiled as she pulled the old Cutlass into the clubhouse lot but her smile immediately faded when she saw Jax helping some slutty blonde off his bike. Tara slowed the car to a stop.

"Umm... I see Ope in the garage. I'll just go say hi." Donna couldn't get out of the car fast enough.

Tara on the other hand took her time walking over to Jax. She channeled her inner 'high school Tara'.

The blonde was first to notice Tara's approach. "We're a little busy here at the moment sweet heart. Why don't you find some other biker to spread for?"

Jax turned to look at Tara, stunned.

"Oh, I'm sure my husband has a few minutes to talk to him wife." Tara said with a sickening sweetness. Something she had learned from Gemma.

Jax knew he was in trouble. "Ima. I gave you a ride home, now get out of here." He turned to Tara. "Tara, you want to go inside?"

Tara narrowed her eyes, "You bet your ass I do." She glared at the blonde before storming into the clubhouse. Tara prided herself a little on the fact that Jax followed her like a wounded little puppy.

"Tara... It's not what it looked like. She's one of Luann's girls. They've been getting harassed lately. She felt unsafe. Needed a ride back into town."

"And the SAMCRO prince was more than happy to help out the little porn star."

"It's not like that." Jax led Tara into his dorm room so they could have a little more privacy. "Luann needs a little muscle right now and the club needs a lot of cash. Me and a few of the guys are helping them out... That's it."

Tara crossed her arms across her chest.

"Besides... You know how much I hate blondes." Jax said, trying to lighten the mood.

"How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long have you been helping the porn Barbies?"

"I don't know. Almost a year."

Tara sighed, closing her eyes. "Jax... Did you sleep with her?"

"Tara-"

"I honestly don't care. We were separated. I just need to know." She pleaded at him with tears in her eyes.

"I was fucked up back then Tara."

"Just tell me!"

"Yes! I slept with her!"

"Ok." Tara said simply.

"Ok?" Jax had never been more confused.

Tara smiled sadly. "I love you Jax. I hate that we were apart but I have no right to be mad at you... Just no more rides home? Please?"

"Of course." Man, Jax loved this woman.

"Good." Tara turned to leave.

"We ok?"

"Yes. No slutty porn star is going to scare me away." She gave Jax a kiss. "Dinner at your mom's tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll meet you there at seven."

"Ok."

Tara walked out of the clubhouse. The blonde, Ima, was leaning against her car. Tara couldn't help but walk over to her. "My husband will no longer be giving you rides to or from work."

The blonde smirked, "that's ok. I guess I'll be the one giving him the rides from now on."

Before Tara knew what she was doing her right fist clenched and connected to Ima's nose.

Ima's hand went straight to her bleeding nose, "you bitch!"

"Stay the fuck away from my husband."

Both Opie and Donna, who had been talking in the garage, came running over. "Nice shot." Opie said while Donna smacked him.

Tara turned to Donna, "You ready to go?"

"Definitely."

SOASOASOASOA

At seven that night, Jax walked into his mom's house, greeted by Emily and Abel.

"Dad, you're just in time for dinner." Emily said.

"Yeah, hurry up. I'm starving." Abel said.

"Ok, ok." Jax walked into the dining room and saw Tara setting the table.

"Hey baby, how was the rest of your day?" Tara asked.

"Obviously less eventful than the rest of yours." Jax said with a smirk on his face.

"What do you mean?"

Jax made his way over to his wife. "I got a call from Luann a couple of hours ago." He whispered in her ear. Tara smiled at her husband. "I love you."

"You better." Was her reply.

"Hey Tara..." Gemma started as she came into the dining room with dinner. "After dinner we need to talk about a phone call I got from Luann."

"Had to be done." Tara said.

"That-a girl." Gemma said.

END CHAPTER.

I really don't know what my intention was with this chapter... but I kind of dug it... Hope you guys do too!


	25. Chapter 24

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 24

"So, you clocked the slut? Just like that?" Gemma asked Tara after dinner.

Tara looked out into Gemma's backyard, making sure Emily and Abel, who were currently playing football with Clay and Jax, were out of ear shot. "You should have seen her Gemma. She thought she was the shit."

"Believe me, I know."

"You know her?" Gemma nodded, "you saw her with Jax." Tara stated. "I'm surprised you didn't deck her."

"Oh I wanted to. My son with a porn star? Should have happened over my dead body."

"But?"

"Last year, no one could talk any sense into my son. He did whatever the hell he wanted, not caring what anyone said. I mean, I may be the kid's mom, but I do know he hates blondes."

Tara smiled, "That's what Jax said."

"He just needed something that didn't remind him of you."

"Sounds like he got that... In spades."

"My son has all he needs now... In spades. You, Emily and Abel are his whole world."

"I know. Thank you."

"I'm proud of you for kicking that slut's ass. Bitch needed to be put in her place."

"I have to admit, it did feel pretty good."

SOASOASOASOA

Thirteen Years Ago...

"Miss Knowles, this is the third time you've been sent to my office for fighting this month."

"I know Principal Donaldson and I am sorry, but this time I swear I didn't start it."

The Steven Donaldson sighed. Tara Knowles was a smart girl. All of her Teachers praised her and he had seen her SAT scores. The girls could go to any college in the country.

Unfortunately for Tara, she was currently dating Jackson Teller. Her newly acquired bad behaviour had started shortly after the couple had gotten together. Charming High was a small school and word got around.

To make matters worse, Tara knew that Donaldson was in SAMCRO's pocket. There was no way he could discipline the girl; Clay Morrow had come to him personally and told him so.

"Miss Knowles. I know that you know you are only in here to make Amber Cross's parents happy but let me leave you with some parting words."

"One day, SAMCRO will no longer be able to protect you. One day, they'll push back. You need to cut this out. You're smart and I don't want to see you sucked into the SAMCRO black hole."

Tara looked to Principal Donaldson, contemplating his words. She really couldn't even remember why she started fighting with Amber in the first place.

"I understand from your AP Bio teacher that you'd like to become a Doctor?" Tara nodded. "I printed off some brochures for good pre-med schools in California... If you're interested?"

"Umm, yeah. Thanks." Tara took the brochures and put them into her backpack and got up.

"I hope I don't see you in here again Miss Knowles."

"Yes sir."

Tara made her way outside where Jax was waiting for her on his bike. "Hey baby. That took a little longer than usual. Did Donaldson give you a hard time? Do we need to talk to him?"

"No Jax. Trust me, its fine."

SOASOASOASOA

"Tara, do we need to talk about what happened after you left the clubhouse?"

They were home now, having just sent Emily and Abel to bed and were lying in bed together.

"I don't know... I know I had no right to hit her. It was completely juvenile of me and I won't let it happen again."

Jax pulled Tara close to him so she could snuggle into his side. A spot only reserved for Tara. He kissed her temple. "Kind of wished I had seen it. I remember how hot you looked when you used to fight in high school."

"I bet you do remember. Trust me, not my finest moment. Especially now, when my whole career is based on the use of my hands. It was stupid."

Jax took Tara's right hand and kissed her knuckles.

"And I don't want Emily or Abel growing up thinking violence is the answer. I'm sure they are going to see enough of it anyways but I want to try and keep them away from that shit."

"I know you do baby."

"And I don't want them thinking they can get away with anything in this town. When we were together in high school we were so cocky; thinking we could get away with murder..."

"Hopefully that kind of shit doesn't need to happen anymore. I told you I was working on making us legit... and I mean that baby... I really do."

"I know." Tara turned so she could face Jax and she kissed him. "And I love you." She straddled herself around his waist, leaned down and kissed him again.

Jax ran his hands down her sides and up her back, "I love you too baby." Tara let her hand cup him through his boxers, "so much."

Tara smiled. There was no way she had any competition with the porn star; not with the way Jax looked at her.

There was a soft knock on their bedroom door. Thank god it was locked. "Mommy?"

Jax groaned as Tara got off from on top of him. She made her way to the door and opened it. "What wrong Abel?"

"My tummy hurts."

Tara turned and looked at Jax, "that's because your father let you have an extra piece of your grandma's double chocolate cake for dessert." She turned back to able. "Let's go to the living room baby and I'll get you something that will help."

"Can dad come too?"

"Just give him a couple of minutes." Tara said with a laugh as she led her son out of the room.

END CHAPTER


	26. Chapter 25

Whispers of What We Were

Chapter 25

About an hour later Jax came back into his bedroom to find Abel asleep in the middle of his bed with Tara on the right. He smiled at Tara. "Karma is really a bitch." He said, getting into his side of the bed.

"You brought this on yourself mister."

"I know, I know."

"But tomorrow, if Karma is on your side and we get both kids off to school, I have the morning off."

Jax groaned, "I'll make sure Karma likes me tomorrow."

SOASOASOASOA

Karma was indeed on Jax's side the following morning. Donna had picked up the kids for school and Jax was able to spend the entire morning with his wife, in their bed. After three hours in bed with her, Tara would never feel insecure about Jax's love for her. Jax took her to heights unparalleled by anything else and she knew nothing would ever come close.

"I could fall back asleep for another with hours." Tara said, exhausted.

"Mmm, why don't you?" Jax pulled Tara's naked body closer to him and buried his face in her neck.

"Jax... I have surgery in an hour and a half."

"Tiny lives to save." He mumbled.

"Exactly."

"So... An hour and a half huh?" Jax said, running his hands up his wife's side. She nodded. "Plenty of time for another round."

"Definitely."

SOASOASOASOA

"Dr. Knowles. Your husband was just on the phone. Your daughter's school called and said Emily was being brought in. Your husband said he'd get here as soon as he could."

Tara looked at the clock. 15:45. Emily was supposed to be at soccer practice. "Dr. Nameed, can you finish this without me?"

"Of course." Tara handed the suction to a junior resident and left the OR as quickly as possible.

Once unscrubbed, she ran down the two flights of stairs to the Emergency Department. An ambulance was rushing Emily in on a stretcher. All Tara heard was 'cardiac arrest' and 'unresponsive' and she quickly made her way to her daughter. "What happened?" She asked one of the paramedics.

"Apparently she was playing soccer and she just dropped. We were able to shock her heart back into rhythm but we had to intubate her."

Tara's eyes filled with tears, "Oh god."

"You're the doctor right?" The paramedic asked, confused as to why the doctor was crying.

"This is my daughter... Emily Teller." Tara bent to brush some hair out of Emily's face and kiss her cheek. "It's ok baby. Mom's here. I love you." She whispered and held her hand.

"Dr. Knowles." She gave no response. "Dr. Knowles? I'm Dr. Rabkin, Chief of Cardiology and Cardiothoracic surgery." Tara turned to face the doctor. "We need to get your daughter to the Cardiac Cath Lab as soon as possible and see what's going on ok?" Tara nodded. "Has anything like this happened before?" He asked as they started to wheel Emily down the hall. Tara kept her hand firmly clasped to her daughters.

"No, never. But her father has an extensive family history of CHD. His mother has had surgery and his brother died when he was very young." Tara said, openly sobbing at the thought of Emily sharing little Thomas' fate.

"Dr. Knowles, I know we haven't formally met yet but I am the best at what I do. Right now, you're going to have to wait here and we will go from there."

Tara nodded, giving Emily one last kiss before she was taken through a set of double doors. As soon as the doors shut, Tara was grateful for the chair she was able to collapse into.

SOASOASOASOA

"See babe. Our kids got your cardiac genes. Doc says they are doing great. Nothing to worry about." Jax said with a smile as they rode back from the Doctor's office with a three year old Emily and one year old Abel in their car seats in the back.

Tara leaned her head against Jax's shoulder as they drove home. "I can't help but worry. It comes with the whole 'being a mom' thing."

"I know. But right now this is one less thing you need to worry about."

Tara smiled. "They may have my cardiac genes, but they have your heart Jax."

SOASOASOASOA

"Tara!"

"Jax!" Tara got up from the chair on shaky legs as Jax ran to her.

Jax took his wife fiercely in his arms. As soon as the nurse he was asking about Emily said Cardiac, he knew what was going on. He had been through it before. "Jax... She just collapsed playing soccer." She cried into his arms.

"Oh baby, I'm sorry I couldn't get here earlier. Did you see her before she went in?"

"She's was unconscious... They had to put a tube down her throat to help her breathe."

"Jesus... I thought we had gotten lucky with this shit."

"Me too."

They stayed there together silently for a few minutes before the double doors opened.

"Dr. Knowles." Dr. Rabkin addressed as he came into the hallway. The doctor looked towards Jax. He was still in his kutte.

"This is my husband Jackson."

Dr. Rabkin nodded. "I'm afraid that your daughter has a large tear in her aortic valve so we're going to have to go in and replace it as soon as possible. There was no way of knowing this was coming but because of the family history she was susceptible to something like this."

Tara nodded and Jax couldn't look guiltier.

"You can fix this right? You can fix her?" Jax asked.

"Yes. But I will warn you that we may have some trouble getting her off the bypass machine after surgery. It's common with heart surgery and children..."

"You might have to put her on ECHMO?" Tara asked.

"What's that?"

"Its a machine we will use after surgery to help keep Emily's heart beating and lungs breathing while she recovers."

"Just help her." Tara said. "Please." She added desperately.

"Of course. I'll just get some forms for you to sign and we'll get little Emily to the OR." Tara and Jax nodded as the Doctor disappeared through the double doors again.

"Oh god Jax." Tara cried. "Our little girl" She wailed.

"Shh baby. She'll get through this. We'll all get through this."

END CHAPTER 25

So I'm back for a short short time. Don't know when I'll be back but I just had to get this chapter written. I don't know much of the Cardiac logistics but just bear with me...

Hope you liked.


	27. Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

Tara hated waiting. Being a surgeon, time flew when you were the one with the scalpel in your hand. Being the wife, or the mother in the waiting room was the worst. She swore she looked at the clock and it had ticked backwards.

"Is it supposed to be taking this long?"

Tara looked up from a spot on the floor she had fixated on. "It can anywhere from four to eight hours." She muttered to Gemma, who was waiting in a hospital chair opposite her. "It's only been five."

Five hours, Tara sighed; it felt like five days. As soon as her daughter was taken into the Operating Room the surgeon in her fled. She was just like any mother, worried her daughter might die and trusting in the ability of a doctor to pull her though this.

Jax on the other hand could not sit still. He had been in and out of the waiting room multiple times, even running small errands. He was doing anything to keep his mind off the fact that when his brother had gone in for the same surgery, he did not survive long after.

"Any news?" He appeared again, only popping his head in the door.

"No." Gemma answered, standing and making her way over to him. "But why don't you go and sit with your wife ok?" Jax gave her a nervous look. "This isn't like last time baby. Try to remember that." Gemma gave her son a kiss on the cheek and left the waiting room.

"You don't have to stay Jax. I get it." Tara said. Of course she understood. She was his wife and she knew how much Thomas's death had affected him.

"No, I need to stay." He walked over and sat beside Tara. She immediately leaned against him. She may not have said she needed him, but she really did. She couldn't be the pillar of strength for much longer.

"I love you Jax."

"I love you too baby."

SOASOASOASOASOA

Tara sat, still waiting, but this time in her daughters ICU room and this time without her husband. She had made it out of surgery but she was still on a heart lung bypass machine while her heart healed properly and she was still unconscious. Emily's surgery was a week ago and doctors said if she didn't show signs of improvement soon they may have to look at other options.

Every time the door opened into Emily's room, Tara immediately looked up, thinking that it would be Jackson. But it never was. He had stayed away from the pediatric ICU like it was the plague. This time when Tara looked up it was Gemma. The two of them had taken regular shifts staying with Emily. Tara did not want her daughter being left alone at any time and Gemma and the rest of the club where happy to accommodate her request. A couple of times Tara had come to see Emily and spotted Juice or Happy reading Emily one of her favorite books.

"Hey baby. He still hasn't come by?" Gemma asked.

"No. I get it Gemma, I do; but this is getting ridiculous. He can't ignore this. This is our daughter." Tara said, angry tears filling her eyes. "I mean, with you and I staying here and the guys coming in and out and Donna looking after Abel… its just not working. Jax should be here. Emily would want him to be here." She trailed off.

"I know Tara." Gemma moved to put a comforting arm around Tara's shoulder. "Have you talked to Jackson about any of this?"

"I haven't had the time. Plus, he's been staying at the clubhouse. I know he sees Abel when he's at Donna's but he won't come home." Tara took Emily's still hand. "Emily needs him."

"So do you." Gemma observed. "It's not selfish to want to be with your husband."

"That's not-"

"Yes it is. You're telling me you haven't touched your husband in a week. I get it, trust me. When John and Clay used to go on those long run… I get it." Tara stood there awkwardly. She did love Gemma like a mother but discussing their sex lives was something they had never done. "Listen, I know you were going to spend some time with Abel but go to the clubhouse. Jax is there so just talk to him."

Tara considered Gemma's words. She was right. She did need to talk to Jax and this avoidance was not working for them. And if, god forbid, anything were to happen to Emily and Jax wasn't there, he would never forgive himself. "Yeah, ok. I'm going to go and talk to him."

"Good."

Tara smiled at Gemma and turned to give her sleeping beauty a kiss on the cheek before heading out of the ICU.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOAS OA

FOURTEEN YEARS AGO…

"Who is this in the picture?" Tara asked Jax. After he had saved her from her father after that party, they had continued to hang out on a regular basis. It had been about a month since and he invited her to his house for a family dinner. He assured her that it would be ok with Gemma and that Opie and Donna were coming so she wouldn't be alone. They had currently snuck off to the living room for a bit after a remark by Tig about whether or not Jax was 'hitting that fine piece of ass'. Tara had gotten embarrassed and Jax quickly led her away from the crowd.

"That's my little brother Thomas. He died a while back." Jax said quietly.

Tara turned to him. She felt awful. "I'm so sorry Jax. Umm, how did it happen?"

Normally when someone asked about Thomas Jax would usually change the topic or punch them in the face but he was beginning to realize that Tara genuinely cared. She had no ulterior motives or hidden agenda like some of the girls that he caught pretending to care about him. Tara was different. "You know that scar on my mom's chest?"

How could she not. The woman's tops were lower than hers. "Yes."

"Our family history includes congenital heart defects. My mom had it and my brother. He died shortly after his surgery." Jax was seated on the couch and Tara came over to sit beside him. She leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Jax couldn't help but pull her closer. Sure she wasn't his girlfriend but he was working on that. "It's ok."

"But you are ok?" She asked, concerned.

"So far so good." They were silent for a while. "He was so weak. Maybe if it had been me I could have pulled through." Jax said.

"Your brothers death was no one's fault. Especially not yours."

"I'm just scared of the future sometimes you know?"

Tara smiled. "We're all scared of the future Jax." She took his hand in hers.

Jax took a deep breath. "You'll make it better." Jax said and as soon as the words left his mouth he realized what a tool he had been.

Now it was Tara's turn to take a deep breath. "I think you'll make mine better too."

END CHAPTER!

Holy crap guys! I'm back! For a little bit, then finals, then I'll be back again.

Hope you like this chapter. I wanted to move things a long a bit that's why I jumped some time.


	28. Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

"Where is he Opie?" Tara asked, stepping out of her car at Teller-Morrow Automotive. She was on a mission and Opie just happened to be the first person in her way.

"Tara, Jax... He's in a rough place."

"You don't think I'm in a rough place Ope? For god's sake, our daughter could die." Tears started to fill her eyes.

"Aw fuck, Tara I'm so sorry."

"It's ok. Just tell me where he is. He can't hide from this anymore."

Opie nodded. "I think he's in the garage working on a bike."

"Thanks."

Tara started to walk away, "Hey Tara" she looked back at him. "Give him hell ok?" Tara smiled and continued walking to the garage.

All of the garage doors were closed so Tara went in through the office. No one was around and she knew Opie wouldn't be letting anyone into the garage. Sure enough, Jax was the only one in the garage. She guessed that the rest of the club was giving him a wide berth.

The sound of Tara shutting the office door alerted Jax of her arrival. Jax dropped his tools immediately and rushed to her side immediately thinking the worst.

Tara held up her hand to stop him. "There's no change." She could visible see Jackson trying to put himself back together. "We need to talk Jax."

Jax sighed, "I'm swamped here Tara."

Tara looked around. "This one bike is making you swamped? Get serious Jackson." Now she was getting pissed. "Emily needs you Jackson."

"She wouldn't be in this mess if not for me." Jax whispered. He hated how easy it was to talk to her.

"Jax... She wouldn't be alive if not for you." Jax turned away from her. "And don't you dare tell me that it wasn't worth it or she's better off. That's like saying us... our life that we made together, was nothing!"

Jax turned and faced his wife and angry tears streamed down her face. She was right, he knew she was right. Tears filled his own eyes, "I did this Tara. I did this to her."

"No you didn't Jax. Genetics did. Fucking biology did. Not you."

"It's just really hard going in there."

"I know Jax but she needs you there. I need you there. She can't stay like this for much longer and we have to talk about what we're going to do. I can't do this on my own... If we lose her..." Tara was crying heavily now and Jax took her in his arms. "I need you Jax. I can't do this alone anymore."

"I'm right here baby. I'll be here. I promise." He kissed the top of her head.

Tara turned her head so that she could kiss Jax on the lips. "I need you now Jax." She said, kissing him again.

"Tara..."

"Please Jax... I need to forget... Just for a little bit."

"Ok baby." He kissed her again, hard, backing her up into one of the work benches. Jax made quick work of Tara's jacket and top, his lips barely leaving hers. "I love you so much Tara."

"I'm still mad at you for bailing on me... But I love you too." Tara said, lifting his white tank top over his head, revealing his muscular chest and rippled stomach. She ran her hands down his stomach. "So much."

"I deserve that. I'm sorry." His hands went to her jeans as hers went to his belt. They hadn't been together like this since the day Emily came into the hospital. For four years Jax had been without Tara and since they had gotten back together he had craved her like air. This time apart had been killing him.

"Just shut up and fuck me."

God he loved her.

SOASOASOASOASOASOA

Tara opened her eyes and didn't even know how she and Jax had made it into his room at the clubhouse. After the garage she thinks they made it to the bar, then possibly the pool table. She did however remember how Jax had picked her up and sat her on the reaper carved table. She smiled to herself as she remembered how Jax had done exactly what she had asked him.

"Hey." Jax brought her out of her delicious thoughts and back into the real world. "We must have dozed off."

Tara stretched into him and snuggled into his shoulder. "I was exhausted before I got here."

Jax swallowed loudly, "what do we do Tara? I mean... I don't get all this medical shit. Can Em still survive this?"

Tara kissed the tattoo of Emily and Abel's names over his heart. "Honestly. If her heart doesn't start showing signs of improvement, they won't be able to take her off the machine."

"How much longer do we wait? I mean, is she suffering?"

"She doesn't feel anything but we can't wait much longer." Tara started to cry. "We should take Abel to see her. I know kids aren't allowed in the ICU but maybe they can make an exception."

"I'm sure they will."

KNOCK KNOCK

"A little busy in here!" Jax called out as Tara wiped at her tears.

"Tara, your phone was in the garage. Gemma's on the phone."

Tara quickly gathered the bed spread up around her body and ran to the door. "Thanks Ope." She said quickly grabbing the phone from him and shutting the door.

"Gemma? Is everything ok?"

"Oh baby yeah. Everything's fine. Is Jax with you?"

"Yeah, he's right here."

"They did a Cardiac Echo this afternoon on Emily. It showed improvement. They want to take her into the OR and take her off all the machines."

"We'll be right there."

Tara hung up and turned to Jax. "What happened Tara?"

"Emily's doing better." She said in amazement. "They want to take her off the machines. We have to get to the hospital before they take her into the OR."

"That's great. Let's go." Jax got up and quickly started getting changed.

"Uhh Jax?"

"Yeah babe?" He turned and looked at Tara who was standing in the middle of the room still holding the bed sheets to her naked body.

"I think my clothes are also in the garage with my phone."

END CHAPTER

Hey guys! I pumped out this chapter really fast and haven't really edited it so let me know what you guys think!


	29. Chapter 28

Whispers

Chapter 28

Five Years Ago…

"God it feels good to be back home for good." Tara said as she paced her medical textbooks on the book shelf in the living room.

Jax wrapped his arms around Tara's waist from behind. "It feels amazing. I was really getting sick of that ride to San Diego; considering the last couple of times I had the kids with me."

Tara turned in her husbands arms and kissed him, "I know, me too." Both she and Jax looked out the window to their backyard where 5-year-old Emily was helping her younger brother on the swing set. "She's such a good big sister."

"Yeah, she really is."

"I feel like I've missed so much of her life being away at school. It was selfish of me to stay away from them."

Jax kissed the top of her head. "You're doing all of this for them. That isn't selfish at all. You're an amazing mother, and you're raising two amazing kids."

"Thank you." She whispered.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Both Emily and Abel had come running inside.

"Yeah baby?"

"Are you done un packing all your big heavy books yet?"

Tara laughed. Emily had wanted to help Tara unpack them but they were extremely heavy so she sent her outside to play with her brother until she was done. "Yes, I am all done."

"Good. I want to show all of the bedtime books you can read to me now that you are home forever." Emily said matter-of-factly.

"You don't like me reading to you Em?" Jax asked with a smirk, pretending to be offended.

"You and grandma read to me all the time. Its mommy's turn now."

"You got that right." Tara said, picking Emily up and kissing her on the cheek. She was so grateful that St. Thomas Memorial Hospital had accepted her surgical residency request.

"I can tell when the men aren't wanted. C'mon Abel, lets go see how high we can go on that swing." Jax picked up his son and carried him outside while holding him upside down and sideways.

Once Jax and Abel were outside Emily spoke, "Mommy, I have a secret to tell you."

"What is it baby?"

"Grandma read stories ok, but daddy isn't very good. You're the bestest at them."

Tara hugged her daughter tight. It was indeed amazing to be home with her family finally.

SOASOASOASOASOASOA

"What was that you were reading?" Jax asked, walking into Emily's hospital room. She had had another surgery that took her off the heart-lung bypass machine and her heart had sprung back into action but her doctor's had kept her sedated for another three days after that to make sure her heart was healing well. They were now slowly weaning her off of sedation and hoping that she would finally wake up at any time.

"Oh, Harry Potter. We were half way through the fifth book before all of this happened. Now I'm almost done the sixth."

"Do you think that she can hear you?" Jax asked.

"Studies have shown that it can sometimes happen. People in comas often recall conversations that were had around them after they've woken up."

"Maybe I'll continue it for her tonight." Jax said, picking up the book and reading the back.

"She told me once that you were a bad reader."

"She did not. When?"

Tara laughed. "She'll probably make an exception now." She got up and kissed Jax. "Is Abel at Gemma's?"

"No, she took him to our house. She said she'd wait for you there."

"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow morning. Love you." The two had been taking shifts between the hospital and staying with Abel. They had established a good routine.

"I love you too baby."

"Mom, you weren't supposed to tell dad my secret." Both Tara and Jax turned to the raspy soft whisper that came from within the hospital room. Tears filled their eyes. Their baby girl was awake.

END CHAPTER.


End file.
